Almost at the end

1 more week of school and I'm done with undergraduate education. Then I have a 2 week study break, then 2 exams, then FREEDOM!

Freedom to slack? Haha, provided I don't fail anything and have to redo my courses. *horrors*

Hm, anyway, I'm going to leave Toronto soon. I seem to have a tendency to leave a whirlwind of destruction and emotional wreck where ever I go. Oh gosh, maybe I'm one of those people who feed off such stimulation.

Okay, maybe it is NOT all so bad. More of lingering negativity rather than utter devastation. But I'm starting to see a familiar cycle repeat itself.

Note: My prof says: If something happens to you once, maybe it's them. Twice, maybe it's bad luck. Thrice, it's you.

Enter new place. Make friends. Someone likes me. Nothing blossoms. Rejected one (ones) hates me. People bo-song4* me for my indifference towards them or for some other reasons that I haven't quite fathom. I'm not close to the main group. Friendships with others.

So what have I learnt:
People don't like being rejected. Men (boys) hate you after getting their ego shattered. (Hey, I reject people very nicely k...)
People don't like my indifference. I guess I'm too individualistic and just don't follow along with the crowd. (All I can remember is people being displeased when I don't attend all class gatherings, sit with class table etc etc. I guess I have more fun or am more comfortable with others.)

I guess this 'group' thing is really quite Singaporean. To go along with the crowd and all. And I seem to stick out like a sore thumb when I don't conform. Some people, such as OF, get away with it because he just blends in/fades into the background. Can you imagine people being pissed at him for skipping class gatherings? Nope!!!

So being rather egocentric, I've decided that people value their self worth based upon my affirmation. I guess this is true in the case of romantic rejections. For the other non-romantic (maybe?) group issue, I don't know what's up with them. I have my hunches that it got to do with the fact that I seem rather spoilt and privileged and that I seem to get what I want. Jealousy? Maybe. People don't like people who have it so easy. Come on, don't lie to yourself, you get irritated when peers (who are not close to you) have good things happen to them (especially when you are dissatisfied with your life).

So am I supposed to look ugly and gross and so no one will like me? (Oh-gosh, guys fall for any creature in a skirt. That's for another blog entry.) Am I supposed to conform and do retarded things that are a TOTAL waste of my time and money just to be with the crowd?

I hope not. Maybe now, that people are growing OLDER and more self assured, I can traverse this new phase of my life with less wreckage.


Note 1: Things are very possibly not as bad as portrayed. But what the heck, it's my blog.
Note 2: Suddenly, it occurred to me that such things (negativity and group-think issue) are started/due to the MALES in the group. Hm, this gives me another reason to hate men.

*bo-song4: Singlish; displeased with, not happy with.