Midnightish

Sometimes as I sit alone in my room, I ponder over various issues. But my mind always wander.

It is dark and quiet outside. Probably cold too.

My clock ticks away, and I still remain lost.

Sometimes a chill goes down my spine. It's a familiar feeling. I remember having the same sort of sensation when I was much younger, as I sit on my bed at night.

I used to be afraid of that sensation, but I seemed to have got used to it. Wonder why.

Sometimes I feel so alone. It's just me against this world. What do I do next?

Different

I have met up some friends of friends and we seemed so different. Maybe it's the environment or surroundings? Or the cold?

Yes, we can make conversation but other things.. like activities that we are keen on.. they are just SO different.

Or maybe it's just me.

I don't enjoy loud music, clubbing, spending too much $, drinking etc.

I'm such a goody two shoes. Sheesh.

It's simply so much more relaxing when I could spend time with those I'm closer to.

What's wrong with me? I'm always complaining about my lack of social life, yet when given a chance, I'm not that keen on interacting. Maybe I'm older, maybe I don't require quite so much affirmation from the society.

Gosh, my Toronto social circle is pathetic. It currently consists of 5, out of this, 2 are inanimate objects.

1. OF
2. Other housemate
3. Other housemate's date
4. Purin (stuffed animal lying on my bed)
5. TV (donated by a graduate student)

I'm turning into a boring antisocial nerd.
Sheesh. I'm off to comfort myself with my Purin.

Bored & needy

I've lots to do.. yet I'm bored.
I want some chocolate.

miss good chocolate

Odd comparisons

Well well.. a friend of mine told me (or maybe it's because I overheard because I was sitting next to her) that she was participating in some pageant. It's strange but I want to join too? Gosh, it's odd even typing these words. I guess I like the idea of some sort of confirmation of one's physical appearance. I mean, growing up plagued with physical insecurities didn't make me oh-so-self-confident. I don't know. My some-what tormented childhood filled with teasing and little admirers left me with a fragile ego that could not repaired by the (fair number? of) potential suitors that I encountered in my early adulthood. (details in another blog entry, perhaps.)

Sheesh... Conflicts conflicts... Yet there is the pain, nope, not really pain, more of discomfort (and probably more ego shattering) of participating and getting rejected. No one wants to fail. Oh gosh, would I one day regret as the window of opportunity closes? I would no longer be, say, under 24/25 in a few years time.

GOsh, I worry and ponder over the darnest thing. Why do I want everything to be perfect!?!

Older and wiser?

Okay.. I'm offically an Adult. Erk! Gross. Now I'm suppose to be responsible for myself. Birthday went by pretty uneventfully. I had cake and stuff, went up the CN tower for lunch.. bummed around. Oh yar, and OF gave me a Tiff & Co. necklace. That's good. Hehe. Always wanted a blue box.

I want to relax and slack.. but as usual, it's not possible.
I've finally conned/convinced OF to go off to London & Paris with my for xmas vacation... So that's a hell lot of planning to do...

As usual, like how things usually work out (badly), my exam will end on the 19Dec... kindly ruining my chances of going to London on a cheaper and more direct flight. DArn it. Nevermind, I can take UA and go to the States and change planes and get stuck at customs.. @#(*@)(#

Darn the security. Hate inefficiencies.

Hypochondriac

I've been worrying about my health. My breathing seems labored and I'm always tired. I don't want to be stressed out. I just want to rest.

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Lazy, lazy me.

I just want to rest.