Leaving Toronto

I'm leaving Toronto in a couple of hours.
Finally the hotels in Vienna, Milan and Rome are booked and confirmed (more or less I hope).
I'm now in one of those... what-else-do-I-need-to-bring stage...
Looking around my room and going through my daily routine to make sure nothing is forgotten.
OF is busy de-hairing next to me. It's kind of odd. The calm that comes before the holiday. Before this, it was all busy, trying to get things in order, booking places, reading course material.
I'm no where near finishing all I want to do...
OF has finished de-hairing and he's bugging me to go book seats online.
Maybe I'll have free internet access.. then I can blog.
Till the next time I regain internet connection... wish me luck. =)

Italy - 5 days

5 more days and I will leave Toronto for Italy. There’s a lot to be done: packing, booking hotels, learning Italian, reading readings. ARgh. At least I will be going home early today. I aim to be home before 1pm. *crosses fingers* Then maybe I would be able to catch up on my readings.

I just went to the bathroom and found out that I had black ink on my face. !@#*&@# copier. Thankfully I only spoke to one person at work today… so it’s not that bad. I probably just look like a retard. Maybe I should be vainer and check my appearance with a mirror every 20min.

Recently I had just got myself into one of those I-wish-I-look-as-good-as-those-supermodels moods. I guess I have been ogling at too many gorgeous women. Curse the media, for corrupting my mind and stirring dissatisfaction within my soul. (side note: Miss Japan is great, I love the way she sashays during the swimsuit event)

This is just a brief update on the state of my mind. Lots to do, no time/mood to blog.

Why I no accent?

Okay, I’ve been in Toronto for 2 years and I still speak Singlish. Maybe Canadian-accented Singlish, but it is still Singlish. I try my best to speak proper English but with my strong Singaporean accent, no one could make head or tail of what I am saying. Maybe, I’m exaggerating but there are times when I get a blank stare after speaking. And I’m using proper English (so I think) without any la-s/ mah-s/ loh-s.

I have heard others from other nations speak, in particular, I know someone from Iran who speaks with a strong Iranian accent (if there is such a thing), and I have difficulties, major difficulties understanding what she is saying even though she uses proper sentences. Oh gosh, I fear that sound that way to the Canadians. It would put me at such a disadvantage. Who in the right mind would want to hire someone who cannot be understood by the rest of the firm?

Thus, I’ve been trying and trying to ‘gek’* an accented. [irrelevant fact: one friend back home even said I speak with a sight accent.] I mean, I have ample opportunity to speak Canadian since everyone here speaks Canadian. I work with professors and colleagues that speak Canadian, but why can’t I master the language (or should I say accent)? I surveyed the tiny sample around me and found that some Singaporeans manage to ‘gek’ out a pretty decent sounding accent, while others (me), remain highly incompetent.

Here are my theories to explain this:

1) I came to Canada when I’m FAR too old. Eighteen is too old for one to learn an accent. The language structures (Broca’s, Wernicke's area) in my brain have withered into raisins. I mean, just take a look at my attempts to learn French. 6 months at Alliance Française but I could barely utter a respectable phrase except Je ne parle pas française.
2) I am staying with fellow Singaporeans. If I were to move into some ang moh enclave, my Canadian will improve by leaps and bounds. This theory is inspired by my PRC ex-house mate who moved away to gain more exposure to ‘proper’ English.
3) I already speak with an accent (or maybe I don’t). The point is that my BAD English is the cause of other’s incomprehension. This reminds me of the time when I was teaching Singlish to a Hongkong friend (ahh.. such nationalism).

The conversation proceeded as follows:
Me: Buaya is cocodal. Cocodal eats people (flirts), so (name of other friend) is a buaya.
Friend: What is cocodal?
Me: Cocodal is the one with the big teeth, kind of like alligator.
Friend: Alligator?
Other friend: It’s cro-co-dile.
Me: Cro-co-dile, big teeth. Cro-co-dile.
Friend: (laughs) Why did you say co-co-dal.

This conversation aptly describes my English standard. Thus, it might not be my lack of ability to ‘gek’ an accent, but my bad English (Singlish) ruining my attempts to be understood.

This leads much that I have to ponder over.

* gek – (Singlish) force out

My alarm didn't go off today ...

I woke up late today. My alarm didn’t go off at 9:30am. I guessed I must have turned it off by accident last night. I slipped in and out of dreamland a couple of times and finally crawled out of bed at 11:40am. Darn, there goes my hope of working in the morning, half a day wasted in bed.

I proceed to go to the lab, then to work. It’s not a matter of choice I guess. I had to change my plans of going to Dominions to buy fruits. Maybe I would go to Chinatown later to get some rather low quality apples.

I haven’t been talking to many people these days. It’s all the same few. OF, my other housemate, my ROP mates, colleagues, lab mates? It’s pathetic. I could count the number of people I speak to with my fingers. I’ve nothing much to say I guess. Life is a routine, I usually go to 2 places: the research labs and BA (my other admin job). It’s always the same, I wake up and drink milk (I’ve given up hope of eating breakfast, it’s far too tedious), then I check the weather for rain and go off to work, usually in berms and a t-shirt. I go home, read my GRE/economics, eat dinner while watching Simpsons and then back to reading. These days, I read news instead of books (it has been a really long time since I sat down with a good book *sigh*). CNN, ST Interactive, Dilbert, Dilert's Blog… The same websites, the same routine.

Yes, I know. Many people have told me, my life is wonderfully great. I’m spending my college years overseas, spending summer in Italy, visited Tokyo, New York, London (blah, blah, the great cities). I have a job, my GPA is surprisingly decent, life seems to be working out well. Yet, a lot of my life probably remains untold. I guess I’m at the stage/age that I have to decide on what I want in life yet I am still unable to firmly grasp this concept. I remain unable to articulate my frustrations or even pin down what is nagging at me.

Life still moves on even though I remain lost. I just get sweep up with the current flow. I guess, I’ll just let life bring me where ever I’m supposed to go.

Finished word list

Hm, I'm finally done with my word list. It's the first time I went through the list. Argh.
OF just plopped into my room to tie his laces. Overpriced shoes. I bought a similar pair that same day. Deep in poverty now. Distracted. Will blog another day.

Hmmm...

Oh well… Life is a routine. I have given up hope on doing my GREs this July for I have too many words to squeeze into my tiny brain.

I was chatting with some friends concerning relationships, dating in general. My friends back home in Singapore seem to have a vibrant dating life, 5 people chasing, parties, handmade cheesecakes, the it’s-so-normal-to-have-a-million-guys-after-me situation. Anyway, it’s a huge contrast to my life in this part of the hemisphere. I have no one after me, it’s a far cry from my younger days where I could count crushes/flings/whatnots off my fingers. I guess it’s bad for the esteem to be in such a situation. I feel I’m not living my youth to the fullness, I’m freaking 20, and the world is not treating me as such.

I guess I missed the excitement of having a ‘half-half’ situation: having a crush that likes you. The stolen glances, the late night phone calls, the mad preparation before a date… it’s unbelievable how a simple sms for that special someone could light up your day.

I recall the days. I guess one person left the greatest impression on me, let us call him MB. He was probably my first crush that reciprocated. One day, a bunch of friends (MB and I included) went out together, we got on a bus and MB and I sat together. I was obscenely happy, even though it was just ‘sitting together on a bus’. We had a delightful, flirting conversation on that short bus trip, and I can still remember the gist of it.

It has been a long time since I knew MB, but I still remember him. He was the one who understood me the way I wanted him to, the one who could pacify me of my whims and complains. The last time I met him (which wasn’t all too long ago), he still gave me a slight flutter in my tummy. It was a could-have-been. Both of us agreed. Unfortunately, situations have changed and we on different continents, pursuing different paths in life.

It was a short relationship, short and sweet. We had no major conflicts and thus no resulting bad memories. Would it be possible in the future if both of us are single and in the same country? Maybe, I don’t know. But, I guess some relationships are better left the way it is, un-finished.

Musical Musings

I woke up with the tune of “Dawn” (Pride and Prejudice, Dario Marianelli) playing over in my head. I had a desperate urge to find a piano and play the song despite the fact that 1) I do not have the piano score and 2) I cannot sight-read well. I messaged OF concerning my need to find a piano and he replied “Eh. Why ah?” which is somewhat funny yet seemingly inappropriate.

I don’t know why I had the sudden urge to play the piano. I’ll probably disappoint myself once I venture into playing the piano again. Yet, I went through the possible places in school that I could find a piano and play without embarrassing myself (a massive crowd sitting behind me). *arghs*

My sudden yearning for music is not that surprising, I guess. Since my primary school days, I have always wanted to learn how to play the violin. Yet, I never had the courage to ask my parents to allow me to take music lessons, for they always talk about how bad it was for parents to force children into supplementary classes. Anyway, I reached my puberty years and managed to bug my parents into letting me have piano lessons. I guess I was a pretty decent student, not great, but at least average. I even took up the violin in my secondary school days. So in my early teens, I finally fulfilled my need for music lessons.

But like any typical student in Singapore, I was overwhelmed by the British O, A levels and kept stopping my lessons because of exams. On hindsight, I probably should not have been so lazy. For now, I’m left with insufficient ability to play the way I wished I could.

One interesting note: I having violin lessons in Toronto with my teacher from back home. He migrated here with his family. Yet I kept stopping my lessons (yes, even in summer). I had not have lessons frequently, it has been 4 months since I have touched my instrument. *more arghs* It’s hard to practice when you have neighbours below that despise the noise you create. Why do I like music and yet is not able to play. Feel so handicapped by my own ability.

Never mind, I need to make the best out of this…
I shall try to find a piano in school, try to find the music score, and try to find time to play.

Blogging at Work?

I seem to always be updating my blog while at work. I guess I feel it is a ‘waste of time’ to be blogging at home. Time at home is meant for doing things that I won’t be paid for.

Today I had my first attempt on html. Haha, I actually managed to get the Current Terror Alert icon up. Mighty pleased with myself considering my tech skills are very lacking. Despite learning some tech stuff about remote access at work and being oh-so-successful at adding icons to my blog, I have yet to figure out what’s wrong with my laggy computer. It now takes a full 15minutes to get my computer to start. I wake up every morning and start my computer. Then, I brush my teeth, pee, prepare breakfast and return to my room to find my computer still in the mist of starting. My MSN will be Not-Responding and that light that signals my computer is busy will be still madly flashing. I’m supposed to reformat my computer but I’ve yet to get to that desperate state of want to get rid of all my stuff for the sake of a faster, saner machine.

Guess my tech skills are limited to gaming and cracking pirated games code. That’s what I have acquired from my secondary school years of buying pirated games from Jade House and pasar malam. I’ve always been pretty annoyed by my lack of tech skills. This is one skill that has made me significantly poorer than I already am. I’ve spent tons of money and effort fixing machines, money buying original games… Bribing people to help me download movies, games.

Piracy is bad and you probably shouldn’t follow my example. Anyway, my computer is far too clogged up with miscellaneous nonsense for any more movies. ARgh.

I was interrupted by MSN and a colleague telling me about Siena (I’m going there for August). *lala* As usual, I’m hungry and want to go home. I shall whine more about my lacking tech skills and my Siena trip in another blog entry.

Going home

It's 11:40am and I'm tired and I want to go home. I slept around 3-4am last night after fretting over my courses. 5 PaTHeTic hours of sleep before I got dragged out of bed by OF (another blog on OF some other time) to register for my courses. After hogging spots in courses that I don't need and reshuffling my schedule (I misread courses at 3am in the morning), I trudged to work on bicycle.

I'm at work, updating my blog and performing pretty mindless duties: just to keep the company functioning. There are always people needed to do the sai1 gang1. Here in the Canada, we are a laggy 12 hours behind Singapore time. Thus all my friends are online at my 11am, an ungodly early hour for the undergraduate student.

I looked through my MSN list and read the usual names, familiar names of people I have grown up with, gone to school with. Everyone is there, yet I have no inclination to start a conversation with my friends from long ago. It's just kind of gloomy, that everyone is moving on in life without you. I guess this is the part of life, part of the choice I made when I decided to leave the country and take a path slightly less trodden.

Is it the same for all those in a foreign land? I guess Canada is not really a 'foreign land' to me. I've been here for 2 years and have a pending PR. I know the place decently well, I have a job, work with 2 professors. The usual more or less balanced university life. But I guess it is still different, I have yet to establish a large social circle, I choose to restrict my shopping for more stuff = more luggage.

Yet, when I return home (if it still is called home), I feel a sense of loss. The place has changed (a quick read of ST informed me that a new shopping mall is built), friends have moved on, and I'm still stuck with my JC impression of Singapore.

Wish to return to an easy life of home cooked food, clean laundry and bad television (7pm Chinese dramas... Oooo...) But until then, I shall try to make the best out of my situation. MSN friends in Singapore? Maybe, but I'm tired from work/lack of sleep.. And I'm going home... Back to my tiny room in a house with a marijuana filled basement, paper thin walls and an overgrown jungle backyard. (but that's going to be another blog entry)

Trying to think of something to comment on

I'm desperately trying to come up with some interesting topics so I can comment on them, but the thoughts have yet to hit me, so I shall talk about my lack of things to comment upon.

okay, this is not turning out very well. I still have nothing to say. Maybe my blog will turn into one of those boring, self obsessed, what-I-did-today blog. Such a pity, considering the effort and time I took to come up with a name for my blog.
Sheesh.

Why did I start a blog? I seem to have burden myself with the responsibility of writing. But it gives me an excuse (no doubt a pretty lame excuse) to do something that is not academic related. I guess blogging is meant for the narcissistic (which I'm sure I am), for someone to proclaim his/her life all over the internet in hopes that someone would comment on their musings. This does not seem to be happening to my blog. *grimaces*

Guess some things are just not meant to be.

Strawberries, World Cup and Work

The strawberry farm was great. They kind of ran out of strawberries so we were crawling around trying to find the remnants. I spent most of the time eating strawberries picked off the ground instead of putting them into the bucket. eh.. The previous mentioned couple (refer to weird-hum-friends) were with me that day and they seem glad. *hehe, all thanks to me*

What I did to the raspberries....


Updates:
- my housemate just got robbed, almost robbed, 3 minutes away from home. Dangerous neighbourhood.
- Italy won world cup (and I fell asleep in the 2nd half watching it)
- just signed up for courses for next semester... Argh. the agony of school.

Weird 'hum1' friends

I am now preparing to leave home in 20min to go to some farm to pick strawberries.
All thanks to my weird 'hum1', friends. (you know who you are if you are reading this)...
Interesting, 2 people that I feel are OBVIOUSLY fond of each other yet so.... afraid to proceed.
One is blur-coy, the other is vulnerable-lost.
Ah, the bliss of young love.... we're going strawberry picking...
*fluff ball rolls with strawberries*
Will update more about this.
*Ooo... Strawberries....*

2 Barbapapas!!

First blog

Testing...
Why did I start a blog months, no, years after people started theirs?
As usual, I'm always kind of late, especially when I'm dealing with 'techy' stuff.
It's Friday and I'm suppose to be studying. But instead, I was nosing around online and found my brother's blog. As there is nothing better to do (except study, clean up the place, study, clean...) , I decided to start a blog. *claps*
So so so freaking hard to choose a name for my blog, every thing imaginable is taken. I just have to make do with this oh-so-fluffy one.
*fluffy ball rolls* -- > irrelevant
I hope I don't give up blogging that fast, becoming one of many that just have a blog that hogs space and make life hard for those trying to think of a name for their blog.