Putin's Blueberry Hill

Somehow, this makes me smile.

A quiet moment

I went for the memorial service today and finally got a chance to know him better. It is rather sad to only know him better after his death.

I quote the pastor: When you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

The Real Death of a Facebook Friend

Recently, someone I know, a facebook friend, an okay acquaintance of mine passed away in the most unfortunate of instances. I'm rather confused about how I should feel as we are acquaintances. I don't feel particularly entitled to be upset. It is for his family and close ones to grieve, for my grief is only self pity, a cry for attention that really unneeded in these times. I don't know what to feel but hope those who cared deeply for him find solace that he had led a good life, successfully pursuing opportunities limited to a worthy few. His circumstances were not great and he had managed to get to where he did. I almost feel undeserving to be his peer, for not cherishing what I have and the opportunities given. With as little morbidly as I can muster, he probably deserve his PhD position more than me.

I was speaking to a rather good friend about this incident and he said: At least I'm glad you are still alive. It is at once, a flattering yet chilling reminder of how the inward focused life has become. I'm glad my friend prefers me alive, but he seems not to be at all afflicted with general malaise caused by the passing of an acquaintance. Perhaps I am at the wrong extreme, generally feeling upset for people that I don't know well, 2nd degree friends etc. Maybe I shall better utilize my energies, for I too have learnt that really no one cares a crap about you.

Death is just another event in life. And I have recently been reading this (from a mobile app): Ordinary people seem not to realize that those who really apply themselves in the right way to philosophy are directly and of their own accord preparing themselves for dying and death. - Socrates

我问天 variations

Possibly the original Hokkien version. The other 2 videos below are in Chinese with han yu pin yin... they are much easier to sing along but I much prefer the Hokkien version. I'm perpetually fascinated with such LC stuff, LC-ness is an inherent suppressed part of me that is dormant in NYC. Urgh. That why I have to go back. I wonder whether I would be so LC in Singapore. OF is, of course, appalled by me. But he is sort of used to it and even sings along these days.

Entitled to what?

I hate the North American self-esteem hogwash. I don't appreciate the "everyone gets a trophy for participation" thing. Hello, get what you earned. Live with what you have, there are no participation trophies in the real world.

The things people should be entitled to: human rights, aka you should have the rights not to be tortured, horribly humiliated etc etc. Everything else is extra. So, you are not entitled to have the best seat in the restaurant, have people give up their seat for you, for me to help you etc.

There is a clear distinction between what you are entitled to (ie food you paid for) and what is extra (others being nice, considerate, wonderful).

Okay, granted, it might suck if your parents hate your existence, maybe they should fulfill their parental responsibilities and make you feel loved, provide decent parenting, food, education and shelter... But I don't get this entitled thing!? Why do people feel entitled to stuff.

Granted, I am a rather lazy, spoilt, highly neurotic person who needs to be shoveled off the couch when I am home. So who am I to comment on the rest of the possibly less-glued-to-the-couch people.

I guess my point is that most people think that they are better than others (cite research) and hence, believe that they should be treated differently. How irrational everyone is! I need people to be more objective, to more accurately gauge themselves, their expectations, their desires.... I'm filled with dark, horrid things and at least I'm clear and objective about it.

Alter Ego 2

from Calvin and Hobbes Nov 4, 2010.

Rather similar to this. I guess I like the same things.

《爱的代价》

还记得年少时的梦吗
像朵永远不调零的花
陪我经过那风吹雨打
看世事无常
看沧桑变化
那些为爱所付出的代价
是永远都难忘的啊
所有真心的痴心的话
永在我心中虽然已没有他
走吧 走吧 人总要学着自己长大
走吧 走吧 人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧 走吧 为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪
也曾黯然心碎
这是爱的代价
也许我偶尔还是会想他
偶尔难免会惦记着他
就当他是个老朋友啊
也让我心疼也让我牵挂
只是我心中不再有火花
让往事都随风去吧
所有真心的痴心的话
仍在我心中
虽然已没有他
走吧 走吧 人总要学着自己长大
走吧 走吧 人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧 走吧 为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪
也曾黯然心碎
这是爱的代价
走吧 走吧 人总要学着自己长大
走吧 走吧 人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧 走吧 为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪
也曾黯然心碎
这是爱的代价
.走吧 走吧 人总要学着自己长大
走吧 走吧 人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧 走吧 为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪
也曾黯然心碎
这是爱的代价
走吧 走吧 人总要学着自己长大
走吧 走吧 人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧 走吧 为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪
也曾黯然心碎
这是爱的代价

A True New Yorker?

I was a victim of petty larceny on Wednesday, September 8, 2010. It took place in the school's lobby, right in front of the security guards, behind the key card access. I am suay3 beyond belief. Who gets robbed in school, in the lobby, by another student, at a place without a security camera. (why is there no security camera in the lobby!?!?)

Brilliant.

Of course, as with everything else in life, it is also partially my fault. Darn carelessness and stupidity and letting your guard down in school and trusting the kindness of human nature. I forgot that I was in New York.

Anyway, probability states that it is very rare for someone to be 'robbed' twice. I hope this will be my one and only robbery incident in New York.

I'm going to be in New York for 4 years. Does that make me true New Yorker?

- Been 'kiap4' by subway train

- Harassed by madmen (too many times)

- Proposition to by taxi drivers, bus drivers

- Random dirty tissue flew in my face (same day as the larceny)

- Hit by mystery water from above (too many times)

- Random guy grabbed my arm and said: I have something to tell you

- Steered a NYC ferry around Manhattan (with a pervy captain, urgh)

- Cursed at by strangers (too many times)

- Shouted at for being in the middle of the intersection by a cop (yes, this is my fault)

- Scolded by waitress for not tipping enough

- Jumping the subway turnstiles (darn subway machine is not working)

Leonard and Lula

Rants at corporate slaves pics

I do not like people who enjoy being corporate slaves. I find it rather ridiculous (and annoying) when people put up facebook profile pictures of themselves in professional work attire (ie one person looking professional / act cheem).

But then again, I find lots of things annoying.. If Jake Gyllenhaal does it, I probably wouldn't mind. ^_^

My Whale Friend

from Sherman's Lagoon Aug 22, 2010

My Whale Friend

Darn humans

I'm just following the story about the NYC mosque near the 9-11 site. It never fails to amaze me how people can have extremely strong opinions about things that they do not fully comprehend / have all the facts.

It seems that many people refuse to think or question or ponder. They just want to accept what their friends, family and neighbours believe and take it as the absolute truth.

What is the point of education if you will always believe what others expect you to believe?

Hello, Again～昔からある場所～

Through other's lens

New favourite person

I just met my baby niece today. If you want to be precise about it, she is not my niece as she is my cousin's kid... But whatever. She is two and super cute. And somehow reminded me of myself. She likes to play around with and jump on fluffy pillows.

Anyway, she refused to call me ah yee (auntie) even after being directly by her grandma. Instead she said jie jie (sister). So so happy with her!! Means I look too young to be an ah yee!!

Okay, this might seem like a really small thing. But it is not!! Why? Cos some time back, one rather annoying person demanded that her kid call me auntie!! I looked appalled.. and she went: you are auntie already, jie jie is for younger girls or something of that sort. Take note this is a few years back and I was much younger and that said person was much older (30+). SUPER ANNOYED WITH THAT PERSON (not the kid). I decided that since she is all old and frumpy, she MUST drag other less frumpy people down to her level. That person is on my list of least preferred things.

Anyway, my baby niece rocks. That said person is still as frumpy as ever. When I have a kid, I am not going make my baby call young people ah yee. Come on, it is about respecting other's youth. Give them a chance to be young. It doesn't mean that if your youth sucks, other people need to suffer with you too. (That is why I don't get why mother in laws who have it bad are abusive to their daughter in laws. Shouldn't they be more kind and understanding since they have been through the same shit? Okay.. watching too much tv...)

Okay, yeah to my niece. I need to go do more good karma things so I won't end up looking frumpy.

6 Years Abroad

Well, for better or worse, I have been living in a foreign land for 6 years. It will probably be a good 10 years before I return (if I can successful return that is).

I always like to think that it is those back at home who have changed. My 6 years abroad was but a sojourn. To me I am still the same; it is my friends who have moved on in life. They have gathered more friends, new spouses, fancy careers. They have experiences in which I play no role. It's like I am that same 18 year old staring at a tape on fast forward. The scene plays and I watch.

But this is probably not true, I might be staring at the tape, but I am running alongside too. On another film roll, leading a vastly different life. In fact, my recent facebook stalking just 'scared the shit out of me'. I saw something that reminded me of how conservative people (as in people I know) are. Such facts shouldn't be all that disturbing to me, since I knew for many many years that these people were that conservative. Perhaps it is my own reaction that startled me. The innate revulsion and the immediate judgment I placed upon those who are in that category. I am sure that the 18 year old me would not jump to such conclusions. What has 6 years of overpriced education (specifically on human behavior) done to me? Have I lost the capacity to accept certain categories of people? Anything mildly anti intellectualism (okay, granted, most things are HIGHLY, not mildly anti intellectual) is extremely aversive and I recoil in horror as if being zapped by a Pavlovian electric prod. I am worried about my own stereotypic judgments (+ I probably should worry about my soul) for I am unable to reconcile the fact that I am fond of them as people, but find it hard to imagine being friends with people like that (let's just assume that I place a crazily high value on friendship). I don't not like them, I simply find it hard to be close to them, or want to share my values or my life with them (probably highly disapproved). Blah blah, you get the point.

Urgh. Maybe I am finally understanding this you-are-not-one-of-us-barrier (the guy wrote Letter to a Christian Girlfriend) that I have experienced one time too many (especially from Singaporeans, even abroad. darn). Maybe I should activate this same YANOFU-barrier towards such people when I am the target of YANOFU. Fight YANOFU with YANOFU. Haha, I think I shall call the barrier on my side, YANQE!: You-are-not-questioning-enough! (I wanted to use YANTE, but that might be rude....) I think most people have some ability to learn, but lots refuse to question or even want to hear the answer.

Willful blindness it is. Provide me with evidence and I will sway your way in an instant. 6 years abroad, I have learnt to ask even more questions. I have no answers for the bigger questions in life. My film tape of life has rolled on in a different direction. So different, it might never get to be on the same pace of those tapes of theirs.

My alter ego

from Calvin and Hobbes June 13, 2010.

Atas defined

I was having a conversation with an atas level 5, district 10 friend of mine and I came up with a robust system to define atas-ness. The word is being thrown around and used without a well articulated definition. So here I am, going to try to nail down its collective meaning.

There are 3 components of being atas:

1) Money

2) Education

3) Lineage

These components are necessary but not sufficient. You need all 3 to be truly atas.

To start, you need money. It can be your own money, your family's money or your significant other's money. But it has to be money that you have ready access to and can get without begging. Hence, you can be a jobless bum and still be atas if you have a well endowed trust fund at your disposal.

Education! Well, you have to have a reasonable amount of education to be atas. That rich ah beng who runs a famous hokkien mee store is NOT atas (unless he was educated in Oxford...). I guess education is always relative. The ivy leaguers think anything non ivy is second rated. The medical/law students think everyone else is third world. But you get the point, I shall not comment on where I think the line should be drawn for fear I would be classified as a snotty elitist brat.

And lastly, lineage. People always talk about the greatness of Singapore's meritocracy and the infinite possibilities of the American dream. I say BLEAH to them! Yes, yes, I think meritocracy is great, else I would probably be some salesgirl in Metro trying to see cosmetics. Urgh. *shudders* But the fact is, who your parents are matter! If they are atas and successful people, the battle in life is already half won! (provided you are on good terms with your parents) This could be particularly prevalent in certain more traditional nations, but I still see it at work in the new world.

In Singapore, it might be slightly different, in my conversation with my atas friend, I decided that school lineage is crucial to be considered atas. I mean, I finished high school like a million years ago and people are still asking me where I went to school in Singapore! I mean, people still use schools (secondary, jc) to label and classify people! Ha! I blame the emphasis on grades and academic performance. For a large chunk of people end up in NUS, but not that many attended the Raffles schools.

On that note, it is also crucial to note whether someone is a pure blood, half blood, muggle born (this is obviously Harry Potter inspired). If your parents attended atas schools/are atas people, you are a pure blood; if your parents are LC (low class)/are atas level 0 and below, you are a muggle born; and if your parents are somewhere in the middle, you are a half blood.

There you have it, a rather comprehensive definition of atas-ness. So rate yourself from atas level 0 to level 10. Give yourself a boost in the atas hierarchy if you find yourself gaining a new degree, earning more $, marrying rich or uncovering some fancy atas lineage.

Cheers to a life of continuous atas pursuits!

Food: The Five Second Rule

from http://blogs.sfweekly.com/foodie/2010/01/you_dropped_food_on_the_floor.php

This is hilarious (to me).

BAs of the world unite

I think lots of people forget how it is like to be young.

I remember when I was 14 or so, I (and perhaps another friend) coined the term BA. It stands for Brainless Adult. It is specifically modelled after this one particular teacher. She is nice and not particularly outstanding. She thought W and I were lesbians (that is another story)... To us, she is just so out of touch with youth, caught up with her adult life, seeking typical adult things (have not yet figured out what this is). Just the essence of anti-youth, being so grown up and reasonable (in an adult sense). Just not frivolous. Mind you, she wasn't that old, she was just in her mid-late 20s.

After a few years (~4 years), I met her again. This time as a colleague when I was working as a substitute teacher after JC. By then, she had a baby and seemed rather content with her lot. I was somewhat less appalled with her BA-ness, but still didn't want to become anything that moderately resembled her.

Back when I was 14, I remembered having conversations about never becoming BAs. Alas, along the way, many of us have evolved. Even me. At times, I catch myself doing BA-like things like mentally channelling "tsk tsk" at rowdy young(er) people.

Just recently, people from work (PFW) exclaimed that youth is wasted on the young, specially directed at me. Well, I am not that young as compared to my 14 year old self but the PFW are really not THAT much older (~10 years). They are just BAs. Perhaps BAs forgot about their younger days or didn't enjoy life when they were young. Hence, the disregard for youth and the constant attempts to try to turn people into BAs (trying to make me feel bad about being young(er) does not make me want to be BA-mature).

The more I talk to BAs, the less I want to be like them. Why should I try to look suitably old and mature when I have the rest of my life to do that? Easy to look old, crazily hard and expensive to look young.

How to identify a BA:

- People who don't find joy in little things (things that make children happy)

- They try to convert others into becoming BAs

- You can have adult conversations with them

- They do sensible things (clothes, shoes, hair, conversations) all the time

- They don't really smile

- They are the people your parents want you to be

- Disapproving of anything non sensible or fun or frivolous

Granted, I am weirder than normal and rather un-BA-like for people my age. But there are lots of BAs out there, all seeking to make the world BA-ish and sensible.

World's largest beaver dam on Google Maps + random subway observation

Okay, instead of studying, I was busy tracking down the world's largest beaver dam. -_-! Ah.. the joys of procrastinating.

Anyway, I found it on Google Maps... and here is the location (near Lake Claire in Wood Buffalo National Park in Canada)!!! Wood Buffalo National Park can be located using google maps. Click on screen shot to enlarge.

Doesn't look like a beaver anything... Just some plants and mush, but what do I know.

Oh, I was on the subway today and noticed a lady sitting across me. I told myself that she looked rather Singapore (if there is actually a thing such as a Singaporean look), and then dismissed the thought. There are sooo many different types of Asian looking people, she could be Chinese, Korean etc etc.

Then I heard her speak to her friend!!! DARN!!! -> Singaporean accent. -_-|||. Her friend also looked rather Singaporean.. He was holding some NYC guide book.. Probably the 1000X Singaporeans who love love love travelling and find NYC really cool. *raises eyebrows* (disclaimer: I am not saying that NYC is not cool...)

Okay, the point is that there is a Singaporean look!! I just can't articulate it. The casual hairstyle? Singaporean looking features? I don't know. Maybe everyone with ancestors in South China look similar or have Singaporeans been inbreeding too much?

Fluffy (+ greedy) dog

My far too vivid imagination

This is at once funny and gruesome.

About an eel stuck up a drunk man's rectum, killing him about gnawing at his intestines.. The picture doesn't help.

http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/content.php?sid=2778

Eels are extremely strong and violent... I know, I caught one in the hudson river not too long ago. Summer is coming, I want to go fishing and maybe play some ultimate frisbee.

Eh... I am surprised you are single...

Saw this on someone's facebook (wall photos)... Self uploaded. Such things make me appreciate OF. The bar is set rather low at times.

My sense of humour

Bucket of Chicken Love

Today, I went to KFC and bought a bucket of chicken. As I walked home, I became convinced that people gave me weird looks thinking that I am one of those tragic single women who drown their sorrows in a bucket of chicken / tub of ice cream. FML.

This can totally be a FML entry except for the fact that didn't feel sorry for myself. Pretty happy with the chicken... or is that what pathetic women tell themselves?

The things I forget

Sometimes I need a reminder of just how much I like music.

The Rhythm of Life

When I started down the street last Sunday
feeling mighty low and kind of mean
Suddenly a voice said go forth neighbour
spread the picture on a wider screen
And the voice said neighbour there's a million reasons
why you should be glad in all four seasons
Hit the road neighbour leave your worries and strife
Spread the religion of the rhythm of life

Chorus
For the rhythm of life is a powerful beat
Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet
rhythm on the inside rhythm in the street
and the rhythm of life is a powerful beat
To feel the rhythm of life
To feel the powerful beat
To feel the tingle in your fingers
To feel the tingle in your feet (2x)

Verse 2
Go and spread the gospel in Milwaukee
Take a walkie - talkie to Rocky Ridge
All the way to Canton then to Scranton
even tell it under the Manhattan bridge

(Fast 3x)
You will make a new sensation
have a growing congregation
build a glowing operation
here below
Like a pied piper blowing
Lead and keep the music flowing
Keep the rhythm go go going, go go go

Doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, do-bi
Doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, do-bi
Doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, do-bi
Doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, doobi, do
(2x)

Flip your wings and fly up high
Flip your wings and fly up high
Flip your wings and fly up high,
Fly, fly, fly up high

You can do it if you try
You can do it if you try
You can do it if you try
Try, try, try to fly

Like a bird up in the sky
Like a bird up in the sky
Like a bird up in the sky
Fly, fly, fly up high

Chorus 3x
For the rhythm of life is a powerful beat
Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet
rhythm on the inside rhythm in the street
and the rhythm of life is a powerful beat

F.U.N. Song

The most stifling place

Today, I stumbled into the school's account department and was almost suffocated by the corporate atmosphere. I felt that I had to get out of the horrid place before the corporate stench permeates my clothes. Icky middle age white men pretending to look important in their personal office (ok, one of these pointy hair boss almost threw me out... ), little old office ladies cramped into their cubicles like animals. Just cages and cages of cubicles. *shudders* Hm, how did I survive the few instances when I had to pretend to be one of them.

Okay, my 'work' place is evolving into a corporate-cy thing too. That is why I try to spend as little time as possible there. Urgh.

How apt that I stumble across this

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan- like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever."

- Henry David Thoreau

The Social Contracts I Didn't Sign

My blog entries are becoming rants at the world. Yes, another thing annoyed me today. Someone sent out a oh-not-so nice email directed towards forcing group members to conform to appropriate behavior. I find it ironic. I assume PhDs who spend hours poring over human behavior would have a better idea that such tactics do not work. All I am left with is a foul taste in my mouth and an active desire to avoid all group contact (with certain groups).

Well, then again, I am atypical. Everyone else might have bowed to peer pressure and evolved into yet another annoying creature that seeks to enforce group behavior.

This is especially so since I didn't agree to be part of the social group. I get it that if I willingly submit myself to some darn CCA in school, I would have to conform and be like them. I am so glad that my identity is not defined by my official 'career'. If a meteorite destroys my life work, I would like to think I would be able to brush it off and continue with the more important things in life.

I guess I am more smug than pissed off now. Pleased that I am not those mindless (again ironic) beings who give themselves to institutions. Yes, you get your self esteem, ego and affirmation from that one place that probably fills your heart with sunshine and rainbow. I am probably a fragmented soul aka Voldemort whose world is a constant drizzle. But I like that to believe that as I stand in my rained filled muddy patch, freezing without purpose, I exist for a cause more real than in the world where the sunshine burns like acid and the rainbow is acrylic and bitter.

Annoying Irrationality

Okay, I've figured out what is the most annoying thing ever. Irrational people who feel that they must impose their lack of rationality upon me. Urgh. Most most most annoying ever.

Granted, I am inhumanly rational and would probably make a good case study of some sort, but darn you irrational people. Stop trying to make me see sense in your irrationality. I just think you are stupid. But you poor irrational people, probably think that I am marveling at your blinding intellect or scalding sarcasm.

What makes you think that your well being affects my overall utility? Yes, if you are sick and busy and still want to torture yourself, fine with me. You can be a scientologist for all I care. Stop trying to convince me that just because I am not as sick or as tired as you, I should join you in your self torture. Yes, me torturing myself alongside you probably make you a tat happier, but really... I couldn't care less about your utility. We are totally independent. Correlation = 0.

You do not know what is best for me. Stop doing things in your own interest and pretend that it is for my good. I am so glad your irrationality does not factor (much) in my utility.

Cheers to rationality. May the rest of you stew in your irrationality.

New Yorkers are Hilarious

Random Rant

My life is rather uneventful these days. School is making me annoyed with people in general. People have always been rather annoying, it is perhaps amplified these days. Dragged home a huge bag (1kg?) of kimchi from Korean supermarket. Yeah, easy to use food. Kimchi and SPAM and rice is love. Lazy people's food.

My building is run by super useless management. Darn, I miss the things money can buy. Happiness without money is like ice cream without rainbow toppings. Satisfying but oh so not enough.

I am not

Conversations

me: I am not a gym rat, I am a couch potato hamster.

Purin eating 2 burgers at Peter's Drive In in Calgary.

Merino felt balls I made to entertain myself.