6 Years Abroad

Well, for better or worse, I have been living in a foreign land for 6 years. It will probably be a good 10 years before I return (if I can successful return that is).

I always like to think that it is those back at home who have changed. My 6 years abroad was but a sojourn. To me I am still the same; it is my friends who have moved on in life. They have gathered more friends, new spouses, fancy careers. They have experiences in which I play no role. It's like I am that same 18 year old staring at a tape on fast forward. The scene plays and I watch.

But this is probably not true, I might be staring at the tape, but I am running alongside too. On another film roll, leading a vastly different life. In fact, my recent facebook stalking just 'scared the shit out of me'. I saw something that reminded me of how conservative people (as in people I know) are. Such facts shouldn't be all that disturbing to me, since I knew for many many years that these people were that conservative. Perhaps it is my own reaction that startled me. The innate revulsion and the immediate judgment I placed upon those who are in that category. I am sure that the 18 year old me would not jump to such conclusions. What has 6 years of overpriced education (specifically on human behavior) done to me? Have I lost the capacity to accept certain categories of people? Anything mildly anti intellectualism (okay, granted, most things are HIGHLY, not mildly anti intellectual) is extremely aversive and I recoil in horror as if being zapped by a Pavlovian electric prod. I am worried about my own stereotypic judgments (+ I probably should worry about my soul) for I am unable to reconcile the fact that I am fond of them as people, but find it hard to imagine being friends with people like that (let's just assume that I place a crazily high value on friendship). I don't not like them, I simply find it hard to be close to them, or want to share my values or my life with them (probably highly disapproved). Blah blah, you get the point.

Urgh. Maybe I am finally understanding this you-are-not-one-of-us-barrier (the guy wrote Letter to a Christian Girlfriend) that I have experienced one time too many (especially from Singaporeans, even abroad. darn). Maybe I should activate this same YANOFU-barrier towards such people when I am the target of YANOFU. Fight YANOFU with YANOFU. Haha, I think I shall call the barrier on my side, YANQE!: You-are-not-questioning-enough! (I wanted to use YANTE, but that might be rude....) I think most people have some ability to learn, but lots refuse to question or even want to hear the answer.

Willful blindness it is. Provide me with evidence and I will sway your way in an instant. 6 years abroad, I have learnt to ask even more questions. I have no answers for the bigger questions in life. My film tape of life has rolled on in a different direction. So different, it might never get to be on the same pace of those tapes of theirs.

My alter ego

from Calvin and Hobbes June 13, 2010.

Atas defined

I was having a conversation with an atas level 5, district 10 friend of mine and I came up with a robust system to define atas-ness. The word is being thrown around and used without a well articulated definition. So here I am, going to try to nail down its collective meaning.

There are 3 components of being atas:

1) Money

2) Education

3) Lineage

These components are necessary but not sufficient. You need all 3 to be truly atas.

To start, you need money. It can be your own money, your family's money or your significant other's money. But it has to be money that you have ready access to and can get without begging. Hence, you can be a jobless bum and still be atas if you have a well endowed trust fund at your disposal.

Education! Well, you have to have a reasonable amount of education to be atas. That rich ah beng who runs a famous hokkien mee store is NOT atas (unless he was educated in Oxford...). I guess education is always relative. The ivy leaguers think anything non ivy is second rated. The medical/law students think everyone else is third world. But you get the point, I shall not comment on where I think the line should be drawn for fear I would be classified as a snotty elitist brat.

And lastly, lineage. People always talk about the greatness of Singapore's meritocracy and the infinite possibilities of the American dream. I say BLEAH to them! Yes, yes, I think meritocracy is great, else I would probably be some salesgirl in Metro trying to see cosmetics. Urgh. *shudders* But the fact is, who your parents are matter! If they are atas and successful people, the battle in life is already half won! (provided you are on good terms with your parents) This could be particularly prevalent in certain more traditional nations, but I still see it at work in the new world.

In Singapore, it might be slightly different, in my conversation with my atas friend, I decided that school lineage is crucial to be considered atas. I mean, I finished high school like a million years ago and people are still asking me where I went to school in Singapore! I mean, people still use schools (secondary, jc) to label and classify people! Ha! I blame the emphasis on grades and academic performance. For a large chunk of people end up in NUS, but not that many attended the Raffles schools.

On that note, it is also crucial to note whether someone is a pure blood, half blood, muggle born (this is obviously Harry Potter inspired). If your parents attended atas schools/are atas people, you are a pure blood; if your parents are LC (low class)/are atas level 0 and below, you are a muggle born; and if your parents are somewhere in the middle, you are a half blood.

There you have it, a rather comprehensive definition of atas-ness. So rate yourself from atas level 0 to level 10. Give yourself a boost in the atas hierarchy if you find yourself gaining a new degree, earning more $, marrying rich or uncovering some fancy atas lineage.

Cheers to a life of continuous atas pursuits!