15

I have just finished watching Royston Tan's "15".
Very painful film to watch. It reminds me of Singapore, in some really vulgar manner. I know it's a movie, but it seems so sad that these kids have such a crappy life. And I'm still really disturbed by the violence and gore. I'm not really sure whether it's just movie effects or the real thing.

And after some googling, I found that the kids have continued with their sort of lifestyle after making the movie. Argh. Makes me want to go back (to Singapore) and be a social worker. If only I can stop such things like that from happening.

I'll probably feel much less pity if the gangsters are some chain smoking middle aged men. But these boys are young and somehow they feel really familiar to me. I guess I've seen glimpses of them when I'm back in Singapore, but then I too avoid them like plague. To a certain extent, I'm frightened of them. =(

How different their life is compared to mine. I'm spending a hell lot of money on my university education and possibly seeking more education. I never had to deal with that sort of environment. In my sheltered life, I have only a few really brief encounters with this 'forgotten teenager'. (I've no idea what I should call her.)

I remember seeing her around my neighbour. She is around my age but seem to spend her youth at the void decks of my block instead of being at school. I used to come home from school carrying my violin and see her sitting at the void deck, looking aimless. We always smile at each other. A silent acknowledge of each other's presence. (I guess?)

Once, I was out with my mother in the neighbourhood and my mother saw her smiling at me. My mother freaked out, worrying about me knowing such unsavoury characters. I don't know how to describe the feelings I had then. Disgust with my mother for being so elitist? Anxious that my mother will find out I have been smiling/acknowledging/knowing her?

I don't know. It's just so different. We (me and her) grew in the same HDB block yet we our lifestyles are so different.

I spend my days reading obscene amount of psychology literature and writing papers arguing about creativity, depression, analogue samples, etc. Yar, I know. It's good training for the mind. But I'm not sure what other young people (her) do. Would she be working? Would she meet really unsavoury characters? (Purely anecdotal: I heard she and her sisters have been molested by some icky old man around the neighbourhood.)

I seem to have rather privileged life compared to these other youths. I travelled madly, spend money rather madly (compared to them at least) and think nothing of going to New York for shopping. OF buys me T&C and I buy myself fluffy (useless) stuffed bunnies. Argh. Feel the lifestyle disparity.