Christmas Break

I just came back from Cancun, Mexico not too long ago (20 - 25 Dec). I had school and the usual nonsense before that so I didn't blog much.

Here is Purin covering his nose after OF farted in my room (again). ARgh. He keeps farting and farting and farting.

So I told him that he emitted so much green house gas that he ought to be regulated (refer to comic), but I think he didn't "get it". -_-

Beach in Cancun. Almost drowned there. OF (school swimmer, NS swimmer, water polo person) calls me chicken-in-water. -_- . And he laughs at my Survivor Bronze in swimming. =(

I swam in this cenote. Almost drowned again for it's 55m deep. OF says I don't need a life jacket. But then I almost drowned. OF had to trap water while supporting me to prevent me from drowning. Argh.

Visited Mayan ruins.

Last day: Picture of our feet.
Didn't drown that day because I didn't swim. Only took pictures at the beach.

Year End

My school term is almost over. Next semester will be colder and probably more 'job-like'. I'll see how it goes and learn whether I fancy a job routine.

Oh I so hate constrains and schedules. I like to have a lot of control over my time/life.

I'm flip-flopping about decisions. I want to be something different every day. It's like I'm six.

Oh, I feel like I'm totally addicted to Milo. It's my comfort food in the winter cold.

And I need more clothes. And more money to do the Christmas shopping for myself, of course.

Thanksgiving in Toronto

It's Thanksgiving and I have a couple of days off from school. Hence, I'm back in Toronto after a long 10-hour bus ride.

I realized it is autumn here in Toronto. The brown, orange and gold leaves are falling off the trees. I never noticed it in NYC. I guess there are no/few trees in NYC. (Central Park doesn't count since I don't visit.)

The first snow day arrived soon after I reached Toronto. Everything is cold and ecky. Not as ecky as NYC, but still ecky because of the cold. *Brrzz*

I feel like I'm having one of those secondary school chalets. Too much tv, weird eating hours and lots of aimless nothing.

But it is good to check in with reality every now and then.

Subway Begging

Living in NYC exposed one to poverty. I really don't like seeing people poor and ecky.

Yar, tv has all kinds of poor starving people... But at least they are FAR away and I can turn off the tv.

I hardly see such poverty in Toronto. Yes, I see the occasional homeless guy on the sidewalk but they are usually lying there motionless. So I can just walk around them.

Here, I see the SAME homeless poor people on the streets every day. My professor says that one homeless man even gives out Christmas cards to people who helped him.

Okay, anyway, I can avoid and walk around the homeless street people. So that is fine.

But on the subway, it is a different story. Poor disorientated people frequently start begging for money and I have to look away and pretend not to notice. (I have no heart, but I really don't like the idea that I might be paying for some junkie's drugs/alcohol.) They frequently stink of pee and dirt and other ecky stuff. And I get so grossed out because I sit on the same subway chairs as them. They also hold those very handle bars I hold. Ew. =(

Now, when I get home, I wash my hands with soap. I don't like the idea that my overpriced DKNY trench coat is touching the ecky subway but I so have no choice.

Eureka - The cause of my confusion

As you know, I am based in NYC where my life revolves around school, work and the far too occasional shopping trip. After one too many group dynamic conference, my brain is all but fried into a putty little mess.

All the while, I've been worrying about jobs, or the lack there of. Those in contact with me know my potentially jobless state is of a great concern.

Oh yes, with time, I have found (unpaid!) internships for Winter and Spring. But summer beckons and I remain jobless and poor. (My schoolmates are earning $35-$103.50/hour.)

This is the session for recruiting and everyone is getting a summer internship but me. How horrid horrid horrid *prissy British accent*.

And this is coupled with the fact that I have yet to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Options:
- Study more - PhD?!
- Work
- HR
- Consulting?
- Finance stuff??
and so on...

I've yet to decide for it's hard to weigh FINANCIAL benefits against other more intangible things like time/effort (or what I usually themed: xin1-ku3*-ness).

And there is another part of my brain that is obsessed with vanity and things of that like. My insecure childhood, early teens probably resulted in this LSE which has yet to be reversed by the 'many' ardent admirers I have had in the later part of my life.

After a fruitless night surfing the internet and making myself more LSE, my brain sort of clicked and I gained a weird realization of my current confusion.

Some background information:
Psychology Specialist (something more than a Major) + current Psych Masters student + taking Career Counselling class + a whole lot of other 'mambo jumbo' which I rather not elaborate.

Plus: OF just got a job (in some ulu** nowhere) and gave me the 'option' of slacking. (It's not really an option, more of a LAST RESORT.)

Back to my rambling:
So, after another night of LSE-ing on the internet. I figured out why I'm so 'like-that'.

I'm just totally unresolved.

There are things which I always wanted to do, since I'm 6, (I'm convinced.) but I never got a chance to complete. I started my music lessons at around 13 but I never finished them. Along the way came things, mainly academics, which pushed music aside. I knew I'll never be a great musician (I'm partially tone-deaf.) but I do really want to know how to play music.

It is always really easy to push aside music lessons when one has school/work. It just doesn't make sense for one to spend so much money and effort to make oneself more stressed out. Now I'm stuck in my crazy NYC lifestyle which has NO ROOM (or maybe willingness on my part to make room) for lessons. Plus, I have no money.

The inability to resolve chunks of my life (I'm STILL CLINGING ON to the hopes of learning music) probably barricaded me into my current phase. Some parts of my life are proceeding/developing as normal but other parts of my growth are severely stunted.

The idealistic, impractical me forbides me to turn my back against what I know is unrealistic. My pragmatic side churns on with the mad surge towards success in its most typical form (academia, career).

I typically do well in school (except Higher Chinese), but there are so so many parts of my life which I wanted to develop but I didn't. I placed everything aside for the pursuit of grades (knowledge?). It got me somewhere, I'm in Ivy League, got a decent internship, (might get a job) etc. But yet, the hollow empty feeling of being unaccomplished nags at me everyday. It's the could-have-been. Would I be able to juggle school work and more? I don't know.

20s is a period where one gains realization of the reality of life: It's highly unlikely that one would be that successful, good-looking, wonderful, famous etc. However, I am more than what I ever expected myself to be... My 10 year old self would never have dreamt that now, at 21, I would be in NYC living this totally surreal life.

But yet, I feel so underachieving. My potential unreached. This is conflicted by this inertia (laziness) to accept life as it is and to be grateful for whatever I have already achieved.

I'm not satisfied. I want more, more to say of myself than academic grades and a stellar resume. I want to be defined as something more. Yet I can't. (Yes, I know I'm a great friend... That sort of thing, but that's not the point.)

I'm totally unresolved. There are so many things I have yet to complete, but I can't seem to bring myself to start.

What's wrong with me.


Disclaimer: This is my state of mind now. My perceptions probably changed a few times while I'm blogging. But whatever.

* xin1 ku3: Chinese, discomfort, tiredness
** ulu: Singlish, not accessible, far far far away

Pollution

I bought one of these water air purifier things as the NYC air is ecky. My room is somewhat cleaner with less dust bunnies. I would also like to think that my skin is somewhat better. It kind of deteriorated after I came to NYC.

Here is my purifier on top of my air vent. Here's the grim after 2 days. I have to change the water every 2 days as the water level drops too low.
A close up. How disgusting to be breathing in all that junk.
Here's the source of the grim. 2 major construction sites just outside my apartment. I took this picture from my bedroom window.
This is the walk way.. Look at the stuff they placed on top of it. I won't like it if all those construction materials come crashing down on me.

=(

I want to go home

I'm stuck here but I want to go home.

=(

=(

=(

Night Out

I've just returned from a night out with my brother. I shall blog while the memories are fresh and the alcohol still swims in my blood.

The night started at some angmoh-ran chilli crab place that is really unimpressive to me. Everyone else thought the place was cool and the food was good. And yar, it's far too pricey and unappetizing to me. Bland food, equally bland conversation. Double minus.

I did have some quail egg shots which were gross (the egg was squishy and liquid) and reassuringly warm. Interesting.

Later as we trotted around the meatpacking district we saw some blond lesbian couple making out. Typical.

Lots of short skirts in the cool weather. Everyone is probably warmed up by alcohol. Expected.

After checking out a couple of lounges, we settled for some overcrowded lounge where I chatted with an old man who was from Israel. Everyone else thought he was trying to hit on me. -_-. Uninterested.

I had this conversation with my brother:
Him: So, you look kind of... shocked.
Me: It's okay.
Him: So do you think it's like the Catcher in the Rye word....? What is it...
Me: Phony.
Him: Oh, yes.
Me: No, not phony. It's meaningless.
Him: (exclaiming with his hands waved apart) You mean hanging out with friends.. This is meaningless? *look of mock horror*
Me: (rolls eyes)

Side note: Am I the only one who notices that we are the only bunch of Asians in the meatpacking district? Ah, I guess I'm the only one in Psych and learning all about culture differences.

After some cocktail drink of some sort we proceeded to someone's place to wait around and ended up watching tv. My brother decided not to follow some guys to a party so he came home with me soon after. Thankfully it was a decent 2 blocks walk from my apartment and I managed to get home before 1am.

Conclusion: Poorer than ever. It feels like paying to watch human interaction and group dynamics. Rather amusing at times. Education is expensive.

Oh, and maybe alcohol is needed to null the pain of being in NYC. That's for another blog. I so wanted to blog about it, but decided to write about this first.

Pictures

Too little energy/mood to blog. So here are so irrelevant pictures.

I cut my finger with the lid of a can when trying to chop up luncheon meat in the can.

How ironic to be cut by a can when I'm holding a knife.

Yogurt and fruits when I'm feeling healthy.

Food. =(
More food. =( =(
Nice looking but TERRIBLE tasting desserts from The Cupping Room Cafe in NYC. Argh. I can't believe they made chocolate taste bad...

And here is how my bed looks like. Totally irrelevant.
Cows on scooters, 2 Barbapapas, 2 Purins, 1 Seal (Sirotan), 1 Polar Bear (Snuffles).

Awful People

School administrators (the non-professor people in universities) are the most mean spirited people ever. They are supposed to help students but they seemed to enjoy making lives as uncomfortable as possible.

I guess they are lowly staff in an academic setting filled with PhD and whatnots. But will trampling all over students make your life happier?!

And if they (universities) are wondering why alumni don't contribute as much as they could, it's probably due to bad experiences the alumni had with the school administrators.

I mean, I got screamed at, thrown out of rooms, totally ignored etc. etc. You named it, school administrators have done it to me. And so, why would I ever contribute (more) to the school and fund such terrible service.

Hungry

I'm feeling darn hungry. It's insane. I eat like 5 meals a day with lots of snacking in between and I'm still hungry.

The NYC pollution is probably turning me into some food digesting mutant. Argh.

It doesn't help that food in NYC is expensive. Poor + Hungry. It's a bad combination.

I keep running out of food.

I'm so hungry. I'm going to snack on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich before class at 7.20pm. (Yes, I have night classes. How horrid!)

Then I'll go home and cook myself some egg and tomato thing.

So hungry. The acid is digesting my tummy. Else maybe I have worms.

Goons

Class is getting goon-er.

It's getting from bad to worse.

I'm typing this in class while I'm listening to duh questions.

Why why why am I stuck here.

The Cause of Insanity

I am so frustrated by my class. Someone didn't know that A+BXC is the same as BXC+A. Her friend tried to enlighten her by telling her she must put in the ( ).

My grin (evil) soon disappeared when I noticed I'm stuck in the same class as such people.

Argh.

Fear is so darn motivating.

I fear a life of boredom and mediocrity. People are driving me mad.

Cute little me

This is a blog post that will simply be an egoistic rant about myself. Why? 'Cos I want to and it's my blog. Duh!

Anyway, my mood is high and things are going fine in NYC. (high and fine rhymes eh? See told you I'm high.) The pace of life here in NYC is giving my life the buzz and excitement it sorely lacks. It helps that I get invited to enough events to feel excited and oh-so-popular (or at least, she's a decent person so let's invite her).

Okay, someone just told me I have a cutest little water bottle. It's a pink one with Snoopy on it. (I'm blogging in school now but I'll post a picture one day...) And someone in Zara told me I was wearing a cute skirt. (It's a black skirt with lace and pattern and frills from H & M.) And someone in class told me I was wearing a pretty dress. (Brown overpriced dress from Zara.)

The incidents happened on separate days, but it's enough to make me high (for a while, at least, until the next depressing thing occurs).

Qualifier: Oh, life in NYC is not all that perfect. Butt sweat is all too common on subway trains. You know the tracts of sweat and God-knows-what people leave behind on seats. Yikes. I've been sitting on remnants of butt sweat.

And yar, I keep having mystery water drip onto me. That cold slimy stuff that falls on you when you are walking on the pavement, in the subway... Please let it just be air conditioner condensation. I really don't want to know if it is anything else.

New York, New York?

I didn't have any expectations about New York. I have no NYC fantasy filled with beautiful people, designer clothes, cushy corporate jobs, overpriced food and endless alcohol.

Residing in New York is different from visiting. I have been here for a week and a half and I have settled into a routine which mainly involves school, subway and the food emporium.

I've acquired the fast walking, glazed eye look that is commonly spotted in NYC. My expressionless face is prepared to morph into a scowl whenever someone blocks my path. I see horrible things but I dare not or want to intervene. I continue walking. Faster, barely pausing to comprehend the scene.

I saw someone being kiap4 by a subway train. I feel indifferent watching him being kiap4-ed and un-kiap4-ed a few times. When the train door was finally done kiap4-ing him, I took the chance to dash out of my local train into the express train.

I see the vibrancy of the city. I could understand the inspiration it provides. (I did a paper on how geniuses have a tendency to gravitate to big cities.)

I feel like Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye. I'm only midway through the book but I identify with him. I feel like a nut.


* kiap4: Singlish, clamp

Highly Successful People

I'm feeling LSE again after encountering/thinking about some highly successful people. These people have everything. Looks, intellect, talent, money/potential to make lots of money. You can see their life brilliantly unfolding in front of them.

Most of them, in addition to their perfect life, have a highly stable romantic relationship with their special someone. Such relationships are also able to withstand the turbulence of a long distance relationship.

(I'm talking about those super successful people, not the run of the mill 'relatively successful' scholars. There are not many of these people around. Thankfully, as if I don't feel LSE enough!)

Hm, my rich professor once told the class that the really rich/successful (by that he means the people with over $100 million USD) meet their wives before the age of 25. (Why didn't he say husbands? Darn it! It's a man's world.) I guess settling on a life partner early in life allows one to devote his energy pursuing his career. I guess it's kind of pointless to have all the money and no one to share it with.

Inaccurate quote from some spiderman movie (scene when that bad guy is showing the earth to Mary-Jane): There's no point in having the world unless there is someone I can give the world to.

There, so all the highly successful people have evolved skills that allow them to get and maintain great relationships and everything else they want. It's just too bad for the rest of us loser-ish people.

The Scent of Discontent

I've been in Singapore for a while now (5 weeks to be exact). The air is fresh and the MRT is refreshingly clean. (I shudder at the horrors of the NYC metro which I have to deal with in 4 weeks.) *pukes*

You don't know gross and stinky till you encounter the NYC metro. Even the mosh pit crowding the MRT during peak hours is much better tolerated than the ammonia-scented metro.

Anyway, this blog is not about ecky subway system, I just got sidetracked along the way.

The MRT is nice and clean but there is something filthy enveloping the country. Everyone (by this, I mean young adults, like me) here is so unhappy. Singapore should be called the City of Discontent. Everyone complains about money, jobs, school, work etc. Whiny problematic me merrily adds to this discontented chorus.

Everything seems wrong here. The houses are too tiny. HDB apartments are WAY TOO small for families. Antisocial beings like me enjoy personal space and hate meeting people at every turn (aka every time I leave a room). Cars are expensive. Buses take too long. (Taxis are decently priced though.) The weather is best at messing with your mood. Working hours are far too long. TV is boring. (I can't believe I said TV is boring. TV used to be my best friend.)

Money is never enough. Everyone (reminder: psychotic friends of mine) wants to make it BIG. $10K/month is just decent. Everyone wants more. How much? I don't know.

I like being the only self-obsessed, materialistic soul around. Why is everyone like that? I need people who are idealistic, who can lift my spirits and bring me hope concerning one's better nature.

A happy family, good health, great friends and a kind heart used to be enough. Now everyone wants to surpass this. Everyone wants everything (including lots of wealth of course!).

So much dissatisfaction in so small a place. Being in the 20s brings out the uglies in everyone. Competition, money, career, life...

The Singapore air is clean, but it stinks of the scent of discontent.

Creepy Creeps

I was waiting for a bus to take me home when I saw a totally creepy creep. Initially, I was busy observing this 9 to 11-year-old child who was dressed in somewhat oversized and unfashionable (really mismatched) clothes. The child was wearing pants held up with a far-too-tight belt and a t-shirt tucked all the way into the pants. This together with loafers with the backstay stomped flat. (Side note: I have no idea what the back of the shoe is called until now. Haha, blogging allows me to improve my vocabulary.)

His/her hair was longish, so the child might be a girl. But he/she was hanging out with a bunch of boys, so the child might be a boy. The child is fair with a face that looks both girlish and boyish. In all, I was busy staring, trying to figure out the gender of the child.

And there was this grown man hovering around this bunch of un-adult-supervised children. At first, he chatted with the child's friends but the friends soon left when their bus arrived. Then the man started chatting with this child.

I hate to be such a superficial judgmental person, but I am. I think that man is a creep. It seemed to me that the child was disinterested in having a conversation but the man kept trying to 'chat-up' the child. That man, Creepy Creep (CC), sends out BAD vibes. I'm convinced he is up to no good. I won't go as far as to claim he is a pedophile.. (though he probably is), but he sure seems like a creep.

Claim: Pedophiles like to pick out children who are awkward. So that CC is probably doing just that. The child looks obviously awkward with his/her odd dressing.

I listened/eavesdropped and figured out that CC was asking the child about his/her longish hair. I guess the hair is the first thing that hits you once you see the child. The hair is too long for a boy, though the child was dressed in boy's clothes. (As you can see, I was totally distracted by the androgynism.) CC was just asking about the hair. Argh. I couldn't verify his intentions.

Anyway, my bus came and I willed the child to get up the same bus. Unfortunately, my 'will' power is not strong and the child remained at the bus stop. Being the kiasi* Singaporean, I just boarded my bus and proceeded home. I'm so apathetic. (Haha, I'm a-pathetic.) But then, I really don't know what to do. Ask the creep to buzz off? Continue spying at them at the bus stop? What if CC is the child's friend/relative/teacher?

I'm not proud of my apathy. But then, what am I to do?


kiasi*: Singlish, scared died (direct translation), afraid of death

Books and Purin

I've spent some time reading the His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. Pretty good books. I'm too distracted to write more at the moment (I'm on the phone). So I'll just post some pictures of Purin.

Here are more pictures of Purin. I'm rather fond of him. He is such good company.

Purin is wearing a shirt stolen from a rabbit.

Purin and friends.

Purin is resting.
Ahhh.. So comfi!

Purin's new footstool

An absentminded friend left her dear dog at my place after a sleepover. Purin, being a curious little dog, decided to use this new toy as a footstool.

Here is Purin and his new footstool!
One leg on the stool.

Now two legs on the stool!

Then Purin got sick of playing with the footstool for it was rather dirty. *Purin frowns*

Purin doesn't like to dirty his legs!

Here is a random picture of Seal (His real name is Sirotan) on my new blue sofa. He is so adorably cute. *pinch*

Attack of the L.S.E.

Argh! I've just been hit by a bout of L.S.E. Life is Horrible!

Everyone in Singapore is a size 0. Everyone is gorgeous without trying. The flawless makeup-less skin! What thin legs!!!

They all have that tiny chin that OF says exemplifies beauties. My chin is so not tapered enough.

Everyone has nice large eyes without eye bags or dark circles. They all have nice long dark lashes! Argh. This is so unfair.

I feel great resentment.

L.S.E never befalls on me so terribly in Toronto. How horrid. How horrid.

Everyone is successful, rich and pretty. I am jobless, bored and poor.

ARgh. L.S.E.

Hello... Is anyone there?

The world moves on, with or without you. It has been a while since I have visited Singapore and quite a bit have changed.

How reassuring it is, that life could go on perfectly well without you. But that is how it is.

The insignificance of one's position and role, even in that tiny section of life you once occupied.

Life filters out the irrelevant, the unimportant and the things you couldn't be bothered with. How easy Life does it!

Of health, beauty and vanity

The warm muddy weather is driving me insane. I have been in Singapore for 1.5 weeks and I am still sleeping and waking at odd hours. I doze off at 11pm and wake at 6am. Maybe it is the jet lag. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night because the fan is blasting at me. It is darn irritating. I miss my duck feather duvet. My life is rather haphazard and boring. It is surprising that one's life could be so haphazardly put today and yet still so routine.

Some time last week, I bought contact lens after a dull window shopping trip at Kovan Heartland Mall. Here it is.

Additionally (and since I have nothing better to do), I decided to shell out $27.20 (usual retail price: $35) for a mask that is recommended by a friend.

.

Side note: I also bought some Maybelline Angel Fit Foundation for $25.90. Sheesh I just found out today that the shop that sells the $27 mask is selling my foundation for $19.90. ARgh. $6 down the drain. But what-the-heck.

Anyway, the mask is darn good and I'm totally in love with it. It's the best mask I've ever tried. (Hm, I haven't tried that many. But still...) It digs out all the ecky blackheads, whiteheads and maybe some facial hair *haha*. It's my new favourite thing. And yar, I just bought another bottle of it. Why? I don't know. I just like it. I like to stock up on random things like this. Oh, that reminds me, my Maybelline thing is also darn good. Yeah yeah. It's only available in Asia so I'm going to buy tons of it and cart them to NYC. I am a total kiasu garang guni. Hehe.

.

Here is my Seikisho Mask White. $27 for 75ml of good stuff!Oh, I also went for acupuncture. The things I do for the sake of vanity. I hope the poking needles will improve my dark circles. I look like a total monster with my dark circles (see above picture). *sobs* My brother also has them. Horrid horrid genes. Hope my acupuncture will get rid of my eye bags too!

.

Here is a picture I took just after the needle is plucked out of my hand. I had 6 needles poked in me. 4 on my face and 2 on my hands. The tiny hole is still present on my hand. Haha. It's so scary (needles in your face?!!). But I'm still going back. I have too much free time. -_-.

On a more solemn mood, a friend just found out that her mom has breast cancer. Her love-hate relationship with her mom is probably going to get much more complicated.

Hm, lots of people have love-hate parent-child relationships. Lots of irrational and rational resentment in life. Sheesh.

Well, I hope everything turns out well. Once the health part is dealt with, then one can worry about the more fun and frivolous parts of life... like Maybelline Foundation and eye bags. Hm, come to think of it, I should probably go for a full body check up, consider all the aches and pains and funny problems that seem to plague me. But like the-above-mentioned friend, I'm far too lazy and afraid of finding out about things I don't want to know. Oh, I so hate bad news.

OF says I'm like an old woman. Haha. For this once, he is right.

New Friend

I've got myself (and Purin) a new friend! Yet another fluffy thing to amuse myself with!!

He's currently nameless. Some times he is called Whale. Hehe. Big fluffy whale.




I'm debating getting this. It's a tissue holder. Cute eh? Awww...

The life of a bummer

Okay I'm back in Singapore. I'm not working. I'm officially bumming my days away.

It's a tough life being a bum. The days pass oh-so-slowly. I don't know why I don't feel this bored in Canada. I think it's the weather.

It's too hot to do anything. I just bum around. It's too hot to even sleep my days away.

And things are obscenely overpriced. I've been away for 2 years and suddenly everything is a-hell-lot more expensive.

I'm cheapskate, poor and unemployed. The living standard is far too high. My Ken-Ken cuttlefish is now 40 cents instead of 30 cents. *argh*
This place is impossibly expensive. And my bumming lifestyle has allowed me far too much time to wander about shopping malls. But I'm too POOR to buy anything.

But I bought this. The green waffle thing with chocolate. It's $1.30. I'm trying to recall whether there is a price increase.
I've learnt that you got to be really loaded to live the tai-tai lifestyle. Else you just live like a bum (aka me). I think working keeps you occupied (and dissatisfied). Too little time or energy to shop.

There are many new malls in Singapore. I've too little humour to go about exploring them. Too bored. Too little patience to entertain/meet up with those I'm not too familiar with.

Lazy. The hot and humid summer days go by oh-so-slowly. I have time to sit on a bus and listen to the aimless chatter of students returning home after classes. I have time to do things rather slowly (or rather, do things at my own pace, without time constrain).

Maybe I've been away for far too long. The cars seem to be on the wrong side of the road. I've stuffed people Canadian money by accident. I constantly feel like I'm in the middle of a Jack Neo movie. It's unnerving.

14 hours

I'm going to be leaving Toronto in 14 hours. In 3 years, I've grown rather fond of Toronto. Hm, I'm not sure about overseas students elsewhere, but one does get attached to a foreign city. I don't look forward (that much) to going back to Singapore even though it is considered home.

Every time I travel, I'm glad to get back to Toronto and the comforts this city provides. It's like the NDP video of 'Home' except that I feel comforted by the Maple Leaf flag (inside of Singapore Changi Airport).

I don't know. I don't know many people or have many close friends here in Toronto. But I'm genuinely fond of this place. I think it is the feeling Toronto provides. The city, as a whole, is welcoming. Most assume I'm Canadian even though I speak with a Singlish accent. People here are nice. I pay high taxes but I'm okay with it. (Oh gosh, I must have been brainwashed by the government!)

I've also taken to singing the Canadian national anthem. (Maybe I feel more strongly about it because the song is in English, I have no idea what Majulah Singapura means.)

How odd one can fall for a country. I have Canadian luggage tags on my luggage (Have you seen anyone with Singaporean tags??). My purin wears a Canadian sweater.

I'm upset that I'm leaving Toronto before Canada Day (1st July).

Canada is doing a darn good job at PR-ing. I don't see foreign students in Singapore being so fond of the country. Of course, I'm still some what patriotic (towards Singapore). After all, I've spent a great deal of time there. The things are familiar and the food is good.

But still, there's something in the Canadian air. I hope I'll be back one day. *fingers cross* May my pending residency go through.

Lots of stuff

I'm such a karang guni. I hate throwing out stuff. I'm moving and I have tons of stuff. Lots of things I'll never ever use/wear. But I won't throw them away. Sheesh.

I'm surprised I don't have much stuff to bring back to Singapore. Most of my stuff is bound for NYC.

At the rate I'm going, I'm going to be a jobless bum in Singapore. Sheesh. Maybe I should be more proactive and look for a job. But I just want a 2day/week job. I want the rest of the time to slack and shop when other unfortunate souls are out working.

Oh, and I want to eat horfun. *hungry*

Someone just told me OF is a nice guy. Haha. I find that funny. No one says I'm nice. *sulks*

This post is getting too random. Argh.

Sleepy

Hm, my visiting friend from Singapore just left. The house is slowly losing its occupants. I'm leaving soon too. Everyone is leaving Toronto.

Ah. I'm tired. And hungry.

It's a mad month. Convocation, travelling and assorted nonsense. Crazy. Really.

Lots of stuff is unfinished. My to-do list is yet to be completed.

I'm tired but I don't want to go back (to Singapore).

I want time to come to a standstill. I want days to pass more slowly. I want a chance to breathe.

The body is failing me

I've just returned from NYC. Feeling terrible. The horrid pollution, dirt, smoke and what-nots are KILLING MY BODY. Anyway, I'm confined to my home, filling myself with weird remedies and pills provided with my 'experienced' housemates. (Drink coconut juice, eat some funny thai powder in water..)

Nothing is working. The toilet is my best friend.

I got to buy myself like a humongous air purifier of some sort when I move to NYC. Maybe a humidifier too.

My tummy hurts. Horrid horrid.

At least I'm back in Toronto where the air is fresher and my bed is fluffier (and cleaner).

Overcompensation

I went to work today and that cell-phone signal measuring guy was still there. Does he have a life?

Then I got sick of doing my plankton-y work and went to have lunch with OF. I had some pretty decent Italian food. Yeah, found new place to eat.. and it is so close to my new apartment. Hola hola.

Okay, OF and I were blabbering nonsense as usually and I had yet another brilliant insight.

Insight: Short people (males) overcompensate by building up lots of muscle.

Hahaha. Yar, there are those tall muscular guys around.. but there seem to be lots of short bulky men. Hm, or maybe they look short because of all the excess muscle.

This is especially obvious if you look at the calves of short people. They are usually bigger than normal. I speculate that their muscles got squished into one big fat ball because their leg bones are not long enough.

I'm trying to find some pictures to demonstrate my point. ARgh. Will post them when I get them.

Oh. My Singapore friend is dropping by Toronto for a visit. Hola. The place is getting crowded.

And I thought my life was painful.

Okay, I just failed my driving test (again). I’m getting used to it. I have self-diagnosed myself with a very mild case of the disorder of the written expression + bad sensory-motor coordination. Ah.. the beauty of taking too many abnormal psychology courses: I keep finding out about problems with myself.

A friend just went: At least you are good at everything else (He’s probably implying something to do with academia). I rather be bad at driving and good at everything else.

But that is also so not true. =(
I want to be good at everything. (I’m not implying my grades are great, because they aren’t! *double =( =( * )

.

******

At work, I saw this guy standing outside my office with some machine. My curiosity (kaypoh-ness*) got the better of me and I approached him to ask him what he is doing. Apparently, he’s measuring cell-phone signals. (Yes, I’m like -_-?!?!?!). He has to move a few feet and measure the signals in the different locations. It’s rather sad, I saw him measuring the floor with a measuring tape to get the exact location. So he stands in a location for 1 minute to measure signals and moves 2 steps to measure again. He’s been out there the ENTIRE afternoon doing this (seemingly retarded) thing. All for the sake of research… This I can’t get.

.

How ironic, you probably need a PhD (smart people) to do such funny (stupid) research.

******

There are sad people doing sad things for their work. I hope I don’t end up like the cell-phone signal measuring guy. Please please please. Keep my fingers cross. Okay, I fail my %#$&*#% driving test (Driving is making me VERY POOR, please donate funds to me.), but at least I’m not measuring cell-phone signals. Haha, maybe he likes his job. Who knows… but that is SO NOT my thing.

*kaypoh: Singlish, busybody-ness

In great pain

I'm in too much pain and agony to blog. My back aches. I can't bend. I feel like I'm 70.

I went on some horse trail riding on Monday and now I'm sore all over. I'm cranky and in pain. Argh.

But it's still fun. Haha. My horsey is so naughty. He stops and eats when he is not supposed to. And then he pees. His pee-hole is HUGE. It's like yellow water coming out from a tap. And his poo... Lots of poo. At least I didn't step on any horse poo. I'm on a horse. So the horses just stepped on each other's poo. Ew.

We are the Planktons

I'm always having this conversation with OF about our plankton-y status.

If you watched Shark Tale, you might also remember the chart with Oscar, the tongue scrubber fish, at the lowest of the fish hierarchy.

Side note: Someone mentioned that I reminded him of Lenny, that vegetarian shark. I don't know why I keep reminding people of animals. -_- The animals I'm associated with are usually cute and fluffy.. But still... -_-.

Anyway, I feel very plankton-y and very tongue scrubber-y.

I guess it's the terrible age I'm in. I'm neither here nor there. Too inexperienced to be someone, too old to be no one/or to sponge off my parents guiltlessly. Even tiny tots (with rich parents) have a higher status then me. (Reminds me of the time when I was at my prof's place and he kindly reminded us that we are lowly beings without any status or connections. His tiny tots were, fortunately, in a much better situation than us.)

*French accent* This is a terrible age.

Yes, I like to remind myself that there are poor starving children in Africa who have nothing. I should be thankful and all. But I still want to complain and whine about my lack of stuff.

Anyway, a class speaker (some loaded self-made guy), told us that something must motivate you to work hard. It might be fear, greed, desperation, etc.

I think I have all three of these evil evil things.

Okay, I'm so filled with nasty wants... But that doesn't mean I'm going to be a success. *Boohoo* Haha, I might just end up unsuccessful and consumed by nastiness.

(Why am I so amused by my possible horrid life? It's hard to be a success if you don't have some terrible nonsense chewing at your ankles about all the possible failures!! I am so discontented, yet happy. I'm so ironical. )

Anyway, I've always believe life will be good to me. And I've yet to be proven wrong.

Free Candy Inside

What I saw on my way home from work. I didn't take the picture, but the building/structure behind this door is that of some energy pipe.

The sort of thing that just made me smile.

Random nonsense

I have been clogging the toilet daily. I hate low pressure flush.

I'm rather bored with nothing to do. So here are some random pictures.

I cycle with gloves (mittens) even in spring. I just don't like the feel of the bike handle. Haha. It looks so so funny. Stick arm, fat hand.
I went for some seafood.. And here is what I ordered. There's a lobster under the snow crab.

And here are disgusting barnacles on my crab. Ew ew ew.

I usually like seafood.. But the seafood is FAR too salty for my liking. It covers all the taste of the seafood. Ang moh style cooking. Hmph!

I like my rather plain steamed seafood. Prawns in wine.. Yummy.

Clogged toilets, bad jokes and horrid driving

Okay, I've just clogged the house's only toilet. Horrid horrid toilet. Super low quality toilet with a weak flush. All wonderfully provided by the cheapskate landlord. I've clogged the toilet more times in the 2 years I've stayed here than in 21 years of my clog-free life.

I've plunger-ed that darn clog and made things worse. Now the mess of toilet paper have moved to the tinier mid section of the toilet pipes and blocked the water flow. I can't even put the plunger down for fear that the yucky toilet water will overflow. Ew.. Now I just have to wait for that darn thing to slowly drain.

Oh, everyone in the house has been clogging up the toilet since we switched toilet paper. Better quality toilet paper clogs the toilet more. Sheesh.

Someone needs to invent anti-clogging, auto-disintegrating toilet paper.

*********

I was in this conversation with a bunch of neighbours some days back when one girl mentioned that one could identify mystery man by his penis.

Side note: We were talking about some secretive group in school who went about in masks and chains (they chained themselves together). Then, I asked how he peed. So someone suggested identifying him by his penis e.g. "I know that mole..."

Anyway, the point is the penis thing was really funny to the girls but the guys were like -_-. I guess men just don't like having their weenie (or any other weenie) being laughed at.

I find this so funny. Haha, but the guys reading this probably don't think so.

*********

I'm one of the rare few who doesn't enjoy driving. I find it more of a chore. Granted, it's because I'm a terrible driver.. But I decided it's just not enjoyable at all. I enjoy the transportation freedom of having a car but I do hate driving. Oh gosh, I so so want a driver. Eh, but I don't have a car for the driver to drive... Hm...

*********

Random question: How do ancient people cut their nails.. I'm pretty sure there are no nail clippers around. Do they just chew their nails off? Or do they scratch their nails against rocks of some sort (just like a kitty cat)?

Lala... I have free time

My exams are over and I'm not doing much. But time seems to pass quickly. I don't know why. How horrid that time crawls to a standstill when examinations loom but darts off in a blink when you are having fun. Eh. But I'm not having fun. It's more of a having-time-to-myself thing.
During school terms, I'm usually flooded with deadlines, mid-terms and what-not. Now, there are things to do, but I have taken a more laidback approach. I guess it's cos there's nothing much I can do to that will crucially influence my life.

I'm glad I have the time to read. It's really hard to pry time away during school to read for leisure. Thank goodness huge, horrid volumes of textbooks have not squished my love for reading. I have a thing for classics. I'm currently reading Emma by Jane Austen. It's that sort of literature text hated by many. I have odd tastes in reading material.

Anyway, the extra time is good for reprioritizing, rethinking, re-orienting stuff in my life. Haha, school term forces my brain to focus on academia. Oh how I hate it. If only I have more time to think.

Alas, it would be back-to-school for me in 4 months. I hope the new environment would provide the sort of stimulation I need. This darn place is far too dull. I feel stifled and un-stimulated. I guess I didn't force myself to explore and push myself to find the sort of stimulation I need. I'm all coddled up here in my tiny little world with all its usual routines.

My prof was going (haha, I like to quote my profs) that one needs to put oneself in the most difficult situations. This way, one can improve. It's true. I'm such a masochistic; I like life to be a little tough on me. Haha. Anything too easy and comfortable becomes a boring routine. But then, I detest changes, stresses and other horrid things that come with challenges. I so need to find a balance. Need just the right amount of challenge and the right amount of stimulation.

No more school

Yeah, like many of my peers, I'm finally done with undergraduate education. Haha, I have might screw up a paper or two this last year.. But what the heck, it's OVER!

Life is so great without the horrors of cramming for exams. I wake up and have a chance to do the things I like. I can take time to breathe and go for walks (Spring is here! Finally!).

Okay, I've a list of things to do and lots of stuff to buy.

I'm wishing my hair is long. Grow grow.

I like pretty girls. <- I was looking at some girl during my last paper. Hehe. Girls are so much more attractive than men.

Side note: Still not les. *sighs*

Life is nice and fluffy. I like good weather. I like free time. Fluffy fluffy life.

Another new insight: Labels

A million thoughts (or more) go through my mind every day and I frequently get insights into things that matter to me. *Duh!*

It's during the wee hours of the morning when I'm suppose to be studying that I receive yet another brilliant insight. Okay, it's not really all that brilliant, but it helps sort my thoughts out.

Insight: Labels are very damaging.
Labels as in labelling someone as ________ (something).
e.g. You are so depressing. You are stupid. You are lazy. You are a horse/pig/dinosaur.

I mean, if you say someone is bright/creative/good looking, then that is fine. *Side note: I welcome all flattering compliments to come pouring in.*

I am just reading up my abnormal child psychology and this recurring theme against labelling keeps appearing. e.g. You shouldn't label someone ADHD. A person is more than just someone with ADHD.

I guess if my years in undergraduate psychology taught me anything, it's a sort of sensitivity towards myself (Gardner's intrapersonal intelligence). Haha, but then, I was always so ultra sensitive (towards myself at least =P).

Okay, back to my labelling issue. Labelling is bad because you create this perception of someone who might not really be that someone.

Therefore, EVERYONE HATES BEING LABELLED. Some call it character assassination. Call you what you want, but it means the same. It's naming someone something of your choice. It's like the naming your neighbour's baby. *no one is asking for your input*

Demo: Label someone materialistic
Then, you automatically bring up other things associated with materialism (love of money, immoral, lack spirituality, corrupt, etc) and attribute them to the same person. But a label is just a label, and it is only meant to describe one aspect of a person's life. Hello, we are all multifaceted creatures here.

I've received my fair share of labels throughout my 21 years on earth and have given (imposed upon others) labels that they may or may not deserved.

I guess labels make it easy for people to classify their lives into little segments that they can organize in their brains. But such organizational ease might not, and is possibly not, the appropriate definition.

Probably everyone, including me, will still go about their lives putting tiny labelling stickers on people's forehead. *ahh, the beauty of tiny post-its* But then, it's a fair (and nice) thing to keep in mind that you are not doing justice to another person's character.

Paved with good intentions

I'm supposed to be studying. But, you can see that I'm not.

Anyway, my random surfing allows me to stumble across this article by Colin Goh and his wife (Yen Yen). Hit me rather strongly. Haha, might have to do with the fact that I'm going to attend the same school. Oh, and my experience as a relief teacher in a rather good secondary school.. that's pretty familiar too.

Yar, I know I'm probably one of the last few people to read this article. I think it's quite well known. I'm lagging. It's probably a good time for me to read it, as compared to say, 7 years ago, when it was first written. Oh gosh, I was only in secondary 2 then! Sheesh. So young.

So if you are also like me (lagging or based overseas), here is the link: http://www.colinandyenyen.com/wordpress/paved-with-good-intentions/

Why I want to be rich

With far too much time on my hands (not really, I'm suppose to be studying for my exams), I've figured out another one of life's pressing questions: Why I want to be rich.

I have heard lots from other less financially motivated beings about the fact that money can't make you happy. I agree life is probably very crappy if you have lots of moola but everyone hates you and you are sick and dying and ugly.

But I'm assuming not everyone hates me and I'm not sick/dying/ugly (yet) so I shall pursue wealth!

Here is my rational:
1. Money solves lots of problems.
- Makes sure there's enough food for everyone
- Everyone is comfortable
- Provides health care
- Pays for leisure/basic needs/luxury

2. I like to buy stuff
- I'm going to get myself a Galapagos tortoise if I can afford it.

'We talked once to someone who met a Galapagos tortoise at a party in a flat in San Francisco. If I recall correctly, the "owner" had brought the tortoise back fro the Galapagos on a ship for which he was a cabin boy, in the 20's or 30's. The tortoise wore heavy socks on its feet (to avoid scratching the hardwood floors) and had learned how to operate the faucets in the shower so it could enjoy a rain shower... Unfortunately, it never learned to appreciate the reason to turn OFF the shower after use, and following a bath it could be seen slopping around the flat in soggy socks...'

- http://www.cfcl.com/vlb/weblog/archives/000106.html

You heartless animal haters out there HAVE to admit that it is darn cute. I so want a tortoise.

Yea the galapagos. My local petshop said they can get them for about 3 grand if I want lol.

- http://www.constrictors.com/forums/showthread.php?p=121901

So I need like 3K to buy a tortoise and probably lots of money left over to buy a house with a yard for it, pay for its food and socks.

Haha, so cute. I'm still fantasizing about cute tortoise with socks. *drools*

Oh yar, and I want lots of other things like yachts, shoes, clothes etc. All these require money.

3. Legacy
- I've decided to do the leave-a-legacy thing (Learnt this from OF)-> Hence, I have to earn lots of $ so I can donate it all to some cause that I support (Save the Tortoises?).
- Why the need for a legacy? I guess since I'm going to die some day, I want to leave some mark on the world.

There, money is nice and fluffy and allows me to own a tortoise. Oh, I can also pay someone to clean up tortoise poo. How nice is that. Hehe.