No Break

I miss my weekends.

I need my sabbath.

No time to think.

Art Attack!

It's a Thursday night and we (OF & I) got all creative while skyping.

Here's what we came up with!

(It's copyrighted!!! Don't steal!! Reference it at least!)

OF started with a simple head. It looked like the 7-Up man.

I did some stick alien man + a square rabbit.

Our art soon improved. Look at what OF came up with next: Willy Wonka & Purin.
Though Purin was ALL WRONG. Still cute nonetheless.

Then Ange Lapin....

Then Spongebob & Patrick Star...

All the while, I was working on Sirotan... You can see the slow by steady improvements.

For more photos of Sirotan, please go here.


Voilà!!!! Skype Art!

Eating in NYC: My way to start a new year

I spent most part of my new year break doing nothing. Wandered around NYC randomly and ate along the way. Showed OF, the Singaporean who doesn't appreciate food, ways to spend his precious money.

Some raw prawns with garlic and chili from Wondee Siam II, a Thai restaurant. It tasted much nicer the first time I ate it. Not as gross as you imagine. Really.

Ate the most expensive meal in my life. ($110? per person). Omakase at Sushi of Gari. We (my bro, OF & I) had plum wine + omakase + dessert. Simply lovely. Plus I didn't have to pay. It was a belated birthday meal from my brother. Haha. Free food always tastes good.

Here's the 1000 layers crepe/cake dessert we had at the restaurant. Nice nice.

The forks attacking the cake. =P

Some spinach, sausage, cheese and egg thing OF got at Max Brenner. Rather nice savory food at a chocolate place.
Uneventful meal at Momofuku. Nowhere near as good as it looks. Odd fusion style food that is far too meaty for my liking. Don't know why all the ang mohs around me keep gushing about how good it is. Catered to ang mohs.

I was trying to find some pizza place when I stumbled upon Cacio e Pepe. Michelin recommended restaurant. Really really nice clams. Argh. Need clams. I feel like Doctor Zoidberg now. (Clearly, I've been watching too much cartoons.)

The waiter recommended some dessert that taste like Chinese herbal medicine. The ang mohs at the next table loved it. *Raised eyebrow* But it is interesting though (unlike the momofuku noodles).

After my pasta thing, I went to Magnolia Bakery to get the cupcakes since I've never tried them before. (I'm such a suah koo.*) They are BLOODY expensive. $2 for the normal cupcake, $2.50 for the one with velvet icing. I personally hate the velvet icing. The cashier charged me $13 for that 6 cupcakes. Apparently 2 of them had velvet icing. I think the white cupcake looks like it is velvet icing. BUT WHERE IS THE OTHER ONE!!!

Purin being curious about the colourful cupcakes. Oh, and the cupcakes are NOT tasty. Typical boring cheapo taste to it. =(
Really cute and colourful though. Why ang mohs only like things that look nice but don't taste good.

I took a picture of a rather interesting barber shop in a market when I wandered in for some free chocolate. (Someone gave us a coupon for free chocolate in the market.) The barber looked angrily at me so I asked OF to take a picture while I disappeared off somewhere. Haha. Mission failed. Barber came out and scolded OF. No pictures. Meanie!

A nice crepe place!

The statue outside the store.

And my $10 crepe. I got the bananas replaced with apples. Urgh. Hate bananas. But for those who like bananas, banana would probably go better with it. Love the ice cream.

Another Japanese place I visited. Haha. I like Japanese food. Soba-ya. Nice, a place where I would return. OF says he can make a dish like this too. -_-IIIII. He can't tell the difference between cheapo chinatown noodles and Azumino buckwheat soba flew in from Nagano.

That's all! Too hungry to blog about food when I'm hungry.

* suah koo (swah-koo): A Hokkien term which literally translates as “mountain tortoise”. Used to describe or suggest someone as being unsophisticated and ignorant. The Singlish equivalent of a “country bumpkin” or a “hick”.“You donno how to use a microwave oven? Why you so suah koo one?”

Happy 2008!

Hurray it is a new year. Argh. I'm getting older. I spent my new year's eve at my bro's friend's place before crawling home at 4 am.

I spent the night trying to dance without looking too stupid. It probably didn't matter because everyone else was too drunk or high to notice. OF spent the night getting red and recovering and turning red again. He is alcohol intolerant. He spent the night drinking orange juice while discreetly leaving his alcohol unfinished. All those random alcohol filled cups scattered around the house are his.

I drank some insect tasting tequila that my bro bought from Mexico. Insect tasting. I was too un-high/alcohol-tolerant to dance. The room was too hot even with the windows open. There was a gay party a few doors away and we kind of crashed it for a few seconds. Uneventful.

A couple of people got drunk. My brother got high and fell asleep on my bed after he got back. But I successfully got him to take a shower. Hurray.

It's my NYC New Year. Alcohol, loud music and drunks.

Christmas Break

I just came back from Cancun, Mexico not too long ago (20 - 25 Dec). I had school and the usual nonsense before that so I didn't blog much.

Here is Purin covering his nose after OF farted in my room (again). ARgh. He keeps farting and farting and farting.

So I told him that he emitted so much green house gas that he ought to be regulated (refer to comic), but I think he didn't "get it". -_-

Beach in Cancun. Almost drowned there. OF (school swimmer, NS swimmer, water polo person) calls me chicken-in-water. -_- . And he laughs at my Survivor Bronze in swimming. =(

I swam in this cenote. Almost drowned again for it's 55m deep. OF says I don't need a life jacket. But then I almost drowned. OF had to trap water while supporting me to prevent me from drowning. Argh.

Visited Mayan ruins.

Last day: Picture of our feet.
Didn't drown that day because I didn't swim. Only took pictures at the beach.

Year End

My school term is almost over. Next semester will be colder and probably more 'job-like'. I'll see how it goes and learn whether I fancy a job routine.

Oh I so hate constrains and schedules. I like to have a lot of control over my time/life.

I'm flip-flopping about decisions. I want to be something different every day. It's like I'm six.

Oh, I feel like I'm totally addicted to Milo. It's my comfort food in the winter cold.

And I need more clothes. And more money to do the Christmas shopping for myself, of course.

Thanksgiving in Toronto

It's Thanksgiving and I have a couple of days off from school. Hence, I'm back in Toronto after a long 10-hour bus ride.

I realized it is autumn here in Toronto. The brown, orange and gold leaves are falling off the trees. I never noticed it in NYC. I guess there are no/few trees in NYC. (Central Park doesn't count since I don't visit.)

The first snow day arrived soon after I reached Toronto. Everything is cold and ecky. Not as ecky as NYC, but still ecky because of the cold. *Brrzz*

I feel like I'm having one of those secondary school chalets. Too much tv, weird eating hours and lots of aimless nothing.

But it is good to check in with reality every now and then.

Subway Begging

Living in NYC exposed one to poverty. I really don't like seeing people poor and ecky.

Yar, tv has all kinds of poor starving people... But at least they are FAR away and I can turn off the tv.

I hardly see such poverty in Toronto. Yes, I see the occasional homeless guy on the sidewalk but they are usually lying there motionless. So I can just walk around them.

Here, I see the SAME homeless poor people on the streets every day. My professor says that one homeless man even gives out Christmas cards to people who helped him.

Okay, anyway, I can avoid and walk around the homeless street people. So that is fine.

But on the subway, it is a different story. Poor disorientated people frequently start begging for money and I have to look away and pretend not to notice. (I have no heart, but I really don't like the idea that I might be paying for some junkie's drugs/alcohol.) They frequently stink of pee and dirt and other ecky stuff. And I get so grossed out because I sit on the same subway chairs as them. They also hold those very handle bars I hold. Ew. =(

Now, when I get home, I wash my hands with soap. I don't like the idea that my overpriced DKNY trench coat is touching the ecky subway but I so have no choice.

Eureka - The cause of my confusion

As you know, I am based in NYC where my life revolves around school, work and the far too occasional shopping trip. After one too many group dynamic conference, my brain is all but fried into a putty little mess.

All the while, I've been worrying about jobs, or the lack there of. Those in contact with me know my potentially jobless state is of a great concern.

Oh yes, with time, I have found (unpaid!) internships for Winter and Spring. But summer beckons and I remain jobless and poor. (My schoolmates are earning $35-$103.50/hour.)

This is the session for recruiting and everyone is getting a summer internship but me. How horrid horrid horrid *prissy British accent*.

And this is coupled with the fact that I have yet to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Options:
- Study more - PhD?!
- Work
- HR
- Consulting?
- Finance stuff??
and so on...

I've yet to decide for it's hard to weigh FINANCIAL benefits against other more intangible things like time/effort (or what I usually themed: xin1-ku3*-ness).

And there is another part of my brain that is obsessed with vanity and things of that like. My insecure childhood, early teens probably resulted in this LSE which has yet to be reversed by the 'many' ardent admirers I have had in the later part of my life.

After a fruitless night surfing the internet and making myself more LSE, my brain sort of clicked and I gained a weird realization of my current confusion.

Some background information:
Psychology Specialist (something more than a Major) + current Psych Masters student + taking Career Counselling class + a whole lot of other 'mambo jumbo' which I rather not elaborate.

Plus: OF just got a job (in some ulu** nowhere) and gave me the 'option' of slacking. (It's not really an option, more of a LAST RESORT.)

Back to my rambling:
So, after another night of LSE-ing on the internet. I figured out why I'm so 'like-that'.

I'm just totally unresolved.

There are things which I always wanted to do, since I'm 6, (I'm convinced.) but I never got a chance to complete. I started my music lessons at around 13 but I never finished them. Along the way came things, mainly academics, which pushed music aside. I knew I'll never be a great musician (I'm partially tone-deaf.) but I do really want to know how to play music.

It is always really easy to push aside music lessons when one has school/work. It just doesn't make sense for one to spend so much money and effort to make oneself more stressed out. Now I'm stuck in my crazy NYC lifestyle which has NO ROOM (or maybe willingness on my part to make room) for lessons. Plus, I have no money.

The inability to resolve chunks of my life (I'm STILL CLINGING ON to the hopes of learning music) probably barricaded me into my current phase. Some parts of my life are proceeding/developing as normal but other parts of my growth are severely stunted.

The idealistic, impractical me forbides me to turn my back against what I know is unrealistic. My pragmatic side churns on with the mad surge towards success in its most typical form (academia, career).

I typically do well in school (except Higher Chinese), but there are so so many parts of my life which I wanted to develop but I didn't. I placed everything aside for the pursuit of grades (knowledge?). It got me somewhere, I'm in Ivy League, got a decent internship, (might get a job) etc. But yet, the hollow empty feeling of being unaccomplished nags at me everyday. It's the could-have-been. Would I be able to juggle school work and more? I don't know.

20s is a period where one gains realization of the reality of life: It's highly unlikely that one would be that successful, good-looking, wonderful, famous etc. However, I am more than what I ever expected myself to be... My 10 year old self would never have dreamt that now, at 21, I would be in NYC living this totally surreal life.

But yet, I feel so underachieving. My potential unreached. This is conflicted by this inertia (laziness) to accept life as it is and to be grateful for whatever I have already achieved.

I'm not satisfied. I want more, more to say of myself than academic grades and a stellar resume. I want to be defined as something more. Yet I can't. (Yes, I know I'm a great friend... That sort of thing, but that's not the point.)

I'm totally unresolved. There are so many things I have yet to complete, but I can't seem to bring myself to start.

What's wrong with me.


Disclaimer: This is my state of mind now. My perceptions probably changed a few times while I'm blogging. But whatever.

* xin1 ku3: Chinese, discomfort, tiredness
** ulu: Singlish, not accessible, far far far away

Pollution

I bought one of these water air purifier things as the NYC air is ecky. My room is somewhat cleaner with less dust bunnies. I would also like to think that my skin is somewhat better. It kind of deteriorated after I came to NYC.

Here is my purifier on top of my air vent. Here's the grim after 2 days. I have to change the water every 2 days as the water level drops too low.
A close up. How disgusting to be breathing in all that junk.
Here's the source of the grim. 2 major construction sites just outside my apartment. I took this picture from my bedroom window.
This is the walk way.. Look at the stuff they placed on top of it. I won't like it if all those construction materials come crashing down on me.

=(

I want to go home

I'm stuck here but I want to go home.

=(

=(

=(

Night Out

I've just returned from a night out with my brother. I shall blog while the memories are fresh and the alcohol still swims in my blood.

The night started at some angmoh-ran chilli crab place that is really unimpressive to me. Everyone else thought the place was cool and the food was good. And yar, it's far too pricey and unappetizing to me. Bland food, equally bland conversation. Double minus.

I did have some quail egg shots which were gross (the egg was squishy and liquid) and reassuringly warm. Interesting.

Later as we trotted around the meatpacking district we saw some blond lesbian couple making out. Typical.

Lots of short skirts in the cool weather. Everyone is probably warmed up by alcohol. Expected.

After checking out a couple of lounges, we settled for some overcrowded lounge where I chatted with an old man who was from Israel. Everyone else thought he was trying to hit on me. -_-. Uninterested.

I had this conversation with my brother:
Him: So, you look kind of... shocked.
Me: It's okay.
Him: So do you think it's like the Catcher in the Rye word....? What is it...
Me: Phony.
Him: Oh, yes.
Me: No, not phony. It's meaningless.
Him: (exclaiming with his hands waved apart) You mean hanging out with friends.. This is meaningless? *look of mock horror*
Me: (rolls eyes)

Side note: Am I the only one who notices that we are the only bunch of Asians in the meatpacking district? Ah, I guess I'm the only one in Psych and learning all about culture differences.

After some cocktail drink of some sort we proceeded to someone's place to wait around and ended up watching tv. My brother decided not to follow some guys to a party so he came home with me soon after. Thankfully it was a decent 2 blocks walk from my apartment and I managed to get home before 1am.

Conclusion: Poorer than ever. It feels like paying to watch human interaction and group dynamics. Rather amusing at times. Education is expensive.

Oh, and maybe alcohol is needed to null the pain of being in NYC. That's for another blog. I so wanted to blog about it, but decided to write about this first.

Pictures

Too little energy/mood to blog. So here are so irrelevant pictures.

I cut my finger with the lid of a can when trying to chop up luncheon meat in the can.

How ironic to be cut by a can when I'm holding a knife.

Yogurt and fruits when I'm feeling healthy.

Food. =(
More food. =( =(
Nice looking but TERRIBLE tasting desserts from The Cupping Room Cafe in NYC. Argh. I can't believe they made chocolate taste bad...

And here is how my bed looks like. Totally irrelevant.
Cows on scooters, 2 Barbapapas, 2 Purins, 1 Seal (Sirotan), 1 Polar Bear (Snuffles).

Awful People

School administrators (the non-professor people in universities) are the most mean spirited people ever. They are supposed to help students but they seemed to enjoy making lives as uncomfortable as possible.

I guess they are lowly staff in an academic setting filled with PhD and whatnots. But will trampling all over students make your life happier?!

And if they (universities) are wondering why alumni don't contribute as much as they could, it's probably due to bad experiences the alumni had with the school administrators.

I mean, I got screamed at, thrown out of rooms, totally ignored etc. etc. You named it, school administrators have done it to me. And so, why would I ever contribute (more) to the school and fund such terrible service.

Hungry

I'm feeling darn hungry. It's insane. I eat like 5 meals a day with lots of snacking in between and I'm still hungry.

The NYC pollution is probably turning me into some food digesting mutant. Argh.

It doesn't help that food in NYC is expensive. Poor + Hungry. It's a bad combination.

I keep running out of food.

I'm so hungry. I'm going to snack on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich before class at 7.20pm. (Yes, I have night classes. How horrid!)

Then I'll go home and cook myself some egg and tomato thing.

So hungry. The acid is digesting my tummy. Else maybe I have worms.

Goons

Class is getting goon-er.

It's getting from bad to worse.

I'm typing this in class while I'm listening to duh questions.

Why why why am I stuck here.

The Cause of Insanity

I am so frustrated by my class. Someone didn't know that A+BXC is the same as BXC+A. Her friend tried to enlighten her by telling her she must put in the ( ).

My grin (evil) soon disappeared when I noticed I'm stuck in the same class as such people.

Argh.

Fear is so darn motivating.

I fear a life of boredom and mediocrity. People are driving me mad.

Cute little me

This is a blog post that will simply be an egoistic rant about myself. Why? 'Cos I want to and it's my blog. Duh!

Anyway, my mood is high and things are going fine in NYC. (high and fine rhymes eh? See told you I'm high.) The pace of life here in NYC is giving my life the buzz and excitement it sorely lacks. It helps that I get invited to enough events to feel excited and oh-so-popular (or at least, she's a decent person so let's invite her).

Okay, someone just told me I have a cutest little water bottle. It's a pink one with Snoopy on it. (I'm blogging in school now but I'll post a picture one day...) And someone in Zara told me I was wearing a cute skirt. (It's a black skirt with lace and pattern and frills from H & M.) And someone in class told me I was wearing a pretty dress. (Brown overpriced dress from Zara.)

The incidents happened on separate days, but it's enough to make me high (for a while, at least, until the next depressing thing occurs).

Qualifier: Oh, life in NYC is not all that perfect. Butt sweat is all too common on subway trains. You know the tracts of sweat and God-knows-what people leave behind on seats. Yikes. I've been sitting on remnants of butt sweat.

And yar, I keep having mystery water drip onto me. That cold slimy stuff that falls on you when you are walking on the pavement, in the subway... Please let it just be air conditioner condensation. I really don't want to know if it is anything else.

New York, New York?

I didn't have any expectations about New York. I have no NYC fantasy filled with beautiful people, designer clothes, cushy corporate jobs, overpriced food and endless alcohol.

Residing in New York is different from visiting. I have been here for a week and a half and I have settled into a routine which mainly involves school, subway and the food emporium.

I've acquired the fast walking, glazed eye look that is commonly spotted in NYC. My expressionless face is prepared to morph into a scowl whenever someone blocks my path. I see horrible things but I dare not or want to intervene. I continue walking. Faster, barely pausing to comprehend the scene.

I saw someone being kiap4 by a subway train. I feel indifferent watching him being kiap4-ed and un-kiap4-ed a few times. When the train door was finally done kiap4-ing him, I took the chance to dash out of my local train into the express train.

I see the vibrancy of the city. I could understand the inspiration it provides. (I did a paper on how geniuses have a tendency to gravitate to big cities.)

I feel like Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye. I'm only midway through the book but I identify with him. I feel like a nut.


* kiap4: Singlish, clamp

Highly Successful People

I'm feeling LSE again after encountering/thinking about some highly successful people. These people have everything. Looks, intellect, talent, money/potential to make lots of money. You can see their life brilliantly unfolding in front of them.

Most of them, in addition to their perfect life, have a highly stable romantic relationship with their special someone. Such relationships are also able to withstand the turbulence of a long distance relationship.

(I'm talking about those super successful people, not the run of the mill 'relatively successful' scholars. There are not many of these people around. Thankfully, as if I don't feel LSE enough!)

Hm, my rich professor once told the class that the really rich/successful (by that he means the people with over $100 million USD) meet their wives before the age of 25. (Why didn't he say husbands? Darn it! It's a man's world.) I guess settling on a life partner early in life allows one to devote his energy pursuing his career. I guess it's kind of pointless to have all the money and no one to share it with.

Inaccurate quote from some spiderman movie (scene when that bad guy is showing the earth to Mary-Jane): There's no point in having the world unless there is someone I can give the world to.

There, so all the highly successful people have evolved skills that allow them to get and maintain great relationships and everything else they want. It's just too bad for the rest of us loser-ish people.